You Don't Look As Boring When You Smile

This week, my challenge is to become indispensable, specifically standing out among all of the Match.com profiles.  Whenever I write about online dating, I hear from people who share all their crazy stories that prompted them to stop using those sites.  They say they never meet anyone great online, but that’s not always the reason for trying it.

One of the biggest things I’ve taken away from my time online is not being afraid of rejection.  It doesn’t bother me if I send an email and the guy doesn’t respond because it’s a very subjective process, like interviewing for a job.  They blow by your profile like an employer does with resumes because you didn’t catch their eye.  When you can say something they can relate to, you have a better chance of starting that conversation.

Because of this no fear attitude, I’ve also learned to handle rejection in person.  I’m not afraid to start a conversation with someone that I’m interested in, although it still does take a few minutes to get up the courage.  And it usually isn’t very smooth.  When I was at the airport on Sunday, they stopped the security line with the guy in front of me in order to change shifts, but it took about ten minutes before they started checking IDs again.  After trying to think of something really clever, I finally just said with a smile, “What did you do to shut down security?”

As it came out of my mouth, I felt like Baby in “Dirty Dancing” when she awkwardly said, “I carried a watermelon” to dreamy Patrick Swayze.  But like Baby, it’s not what you say, it’s that you just say something. I also think the tone of my question and my goofy smile helped to create a laid-back conversation as he laughed and continue to talk to me all the way to our gates.

Nonverbal communication definitely plays its part in the dating game.  It can actually help take some of the risk out of it by encouraging the guy to approach you.  Similar to sending a “wink” to someone on Match.com, smiling at someone can prompt them to approach, and I’ve found it’s more effective than the online wink.  When you’re online, sending a unique email has a better chance at a response.

I went out on Monday in Nashville with two friends.  I’ve found that going out in a group of three yields the best results because a guy can come up to talk to the one girl he is interested in while the other two girls talk to each other.  When it’s just two girls going out, one feels alienated or the guy has to convince his friend to chat up the other one even if he’s not interested (aka diving on the grenade).  If you go out in groups of more than three, it can get intimidating to approach a girl in a group of that size.

These two particular friends have turned out to be the perfect wingwomen.  One is married, which means she’s happy to talk to people, but you don’t have to compete with her.  The other is 6’2 when she wears flats, so she walks in the room with her heels on, people notice.  The cool things about her are that she’s in her mid-20s so she thinks anyone over 35 is old (except for me of course) and she won’t date anyone shorter than her, so by default, these guys usually end up talking to me.  And I’m okay with that.

We have a bit of a routine now, so on Monday when we were at the honky tonks, the tall girl reeled them in.  But what I realized was it wasn’t just with her height, but with her facial expressions.  She’s always smiling, so she looks uber friendly.  While I usually give out a happy vibe as well, I got caught up in listening to the amazing live music on Monday night.  It was difficult to talk over the bands, so I was just tapping my feet and enjoying the night.

When the band took a break, I joined in the conversation that the tall girl had started, and by the end of the night hit it off with the only single guy in the group.  Before I went home, he said, “You are really fun. Before we started talking, I thought you looked way too serious.  Honestly, a little boring.”  Without even realizing it, I made myself unapproachable.

So unless you’re going to wear a necklace that screams, “I’m fun”, you can draw people in with a simple smile.  Although, I will say wearing a flashing necklace during the NFL playoffs didn’t hurt either.  It’s a bit more obnoxious, but it got the job done too.

Colts NecklaceHow do you show people your personality without saying a word?

Follow Hitz & Mrs on Twitter (@HitzAndMrs), Facebook or subscribe via email.  Or check out some of the short stories from my long dating life.

Leave a comment