It’s the most wonderful time of the year. No, not Thanksgiving. No, not Christmas. It’s that month-plus long time when you can choose from various Medicare coverage plans.
That means until the end of the year, we’ll be inundated with commercials that tell you to check your zip code to see if you qualify for extra benefits. They put a toll-free number at the bottom of the screen and tell you to call it to find out what type of benefits you qualify for…and if so, how much.
Do you need vision coverage? Call the toll-free number. How about dental? Call that number. What about a ride to your doctor’s office? CALL THAT DAMN NUMBER!!
And not only are we bombarded with these ads, but the Medicare hotline has enlisted multiple new expert celebrity spokesmen to help sell us on the benefits we deserve. It used to be that it was only Joe Namath as the main dude trying to get us to call that toll-free number. This year Joe returns, but there are also ads featuring Joe Montana, William Shatner, George Foreman and Jimmie “J.J.” Walker.
Hmmm…I guess they figure if George could sell millions of panini presses, he could use those skills to get us to buy some extra health care protection. Hmmm…I guess they also figure if Shatner can become a fifteen-minute astronaut at age ninety, he can get us to visit the dentist who we haven’t seen in a few years and at a reduced rate. Hmmm….I guess they figure if Jimmie Walker can deal with dating Ann Coulter….well, I don’t know what their thinking was on this. Maybe they just liked hearing J.J. yell DYNOMITE!! I admit I kind of like that, too. By the way, why are there no women being used as Medicare advantage shills? Maybe they should get the above mentioned Jimmie and Ann to do one together. That would be a DYNOMITE two minutes of television
However, all these advertisements have worn me down. Did you know that you can get an extra hundred bucks added to your social security check? Doing the math, that’s more than a thousand dollars each year. And all you have to do is call a toll-free number:
“Hello, Mr. Walker? My zip code is 60000. Really? I get all that? DYNOMITE!!!“
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