Negative, positive...positive, negative: Who and what can you trust?

A couple of weeks ago I had a minor Covid scare….is there such a thing? Someone I know tested positive, Since I sat next to her in a car and at a dinner, it was recommended I take a Covid test. Since I naturally started developing every imaginary symptom of the disease, I thought it was a good idea.

I found a local urgent care, made an appointment and it was testing time. Fifteen minutes after having the q-tip in both nostrils, the results came back. NEGATIVE!


The doctor said I could go on with my life as normal, but I should come back in a few days to re-do the test. When I asked why he just looked at me in silence. Then he said, see you in a few days. Hmmmmm. By the way, those imaginary symptoms immediately went away. How surprising!

Three days later, I made another appointment for another test. Another q-tip up my nose. Fifteen minutes later, the results were back. POSITIVE!

Hmmm….my hand went to my forehead. Hmmm…it did feel a little warm.

When I asked about the difference in the test results, the doctor said it was possible I didn’t wait long enough to take the original test. Sure….now they tell me. I was told to go home and quarantine. They’ll text or email me with the results of the long-form test in about forty-eight hours.

Okay…no bigggie about the quarantine. I have a tv, music and a computer. I can find things to do for two days. By the way, all the imaginary symptoms were still gone. Interesting how after a positive test you feel absolutely fine.

Forty-Eight hours go by. I’m feeling absolutely fine. No written words from the clinic as of yet. Since they’re getting ready to close, and they aren’t open on Sunday, I decide that I better give them a call.

“Oh yes, Mr. Moore. We have your results right here. They’re negative. You can come out of quarantine. Would you like us to e-mail you the results? By the way, we highly recommend that you take another Covid test to verify the results.”

a. If you had the results, why didn’t you e-mail them to me as you said? Why did I have to call?

b. Since you told me that the results of the rapid and longer Covid tests are both over 90% accurate, how do you explain these back and forth results? And if they’re really that accurate, why a third test in less than a week?

All are legitimate questions! All of them should have been asked to the doctor at the clinic instead of just thinking of them for the first time while writing this. Sigh!

So two days later, it was off to get another Covid test. But I came up with a different idea for this test. I decided to go to a different clinic. I figured why not try a different technician to take the test, as well as a different lab to interpret the results.

Well, the technician doing the testing was ME!! No problem. I can put a stick up my nose. This time there was no rapid testing. Only the long one. They’ll get back to me in about three days. Oh man….he comes that imaginary cough and fever again.

The three days actually became only two. They had me check their doctor/patient portal for the results. NEGATIVE!!!

Here’s the Covid scorecard: three negative to one positive. I would say a .750 batting average is damn good, but the one positive test trumps all the negatives. It really is scary when you get that result because when you see all these folks that are still ill and still dying from the disease. Even though you’re fully vaccinated you can’t help but wonder if it’s going to happen to you. It’s even worse if you’re neurotic about every little health issue and non-issue.

So that’s a little Covid story. Obviously, it could have been much, much worse. But like the title says, negative, positive….positive, negative: who and what can you trust?

Related Post: I was lucky to get the Covid-19 vaccine

Type your email address in the box and click the “create subscription” button. My list is completely spam free, and you can opt out at any time.

Filed under: Doctors, Health, humor, Satire, Wellness

Tags: Covid testing

Leave a comment

  • Advertisement:
  • Advertisement:
  • ChicagoNow is full of win

    Welcome to ChicagoNow.

    Meet our bloggers,
    post comments, or
    pitch your blog idea.

  • Meet The Blogger

    Howard Moore

    Every five years or so I decide to update this section. I can't believe I've been doing this for close to ten years. The last time I did this I was close to sixty years old. Now I'm just a few months away from the big 7-ZERO. Scary AF!!! I'm pretty sure I won't be doing an update when I hit 80, but you never know. But until then, lets just be grateful.

  • Tags

  • Categories

  • Advertisement: