Ryne Sandberg has turned into a middle-aged Jeff Spicoli

“All I need are some tasty waves, a cool buzz, and I’m fine.”–  Jeff Spicoli

When you think of stoners, who first comes into your mind? Jeff Spicoli from “Fast Time at Ridgemont High?” Beavis and Butthead? Anyone who grew up in the 1960s-70s? ME???

How long did it take you to get to former Chicago Cubs Hall of Famer Ryne Sandberg? Yeah….me, too.

But, that changed today. In a Chicago Tribune story, we found out that Ryno is now a spokesperson for cannabis retailer Verilife. And, he’s not just a paid shill, he’s a client, too.

“This will be a little demonstration of that, listen up. That was my skull. I’m so wasted!”–  Jeff Spicoli

2020 was a strange year for all of us. Life was on hold for everyone, even Ryne Sandberg. Life was stressful for everyone, even Ryne Sandberg. We needed to find a way to make it less stressful…less dramatic. At age sixty, Ryno found a way:

“I really didn’t know anything about it. I didn’t have any interest in it. Now it’s every day sometimes, as I’m looking for something to take the edge off.”

He also says it helps with managing the pain that comes from decades of being an athlete. That I understand, but man, you didn’t think about smoking some weed when you were going through that messy and public divorce in the mid-1990s? You must have had a huge need to take the edge off then? There weren’t any Cubs players that could have hooked you up?

“I’ve been thinking about this, Mr. Hand. If I’m here and you’re here, doesn’t that make it our time? Certainly, there’s nothing wrong with a little feast on our time.”–  Jeff Spicoli

Ryno may have been old school when it comes to baseball, but he went new school in becoming a weed consumer. He went to the dispensary, checked out the different types of cannabis and found something that suits his needs. Sandberg is into low-dosage gummies. Hmmmm….I have a package of low-dosage gummies that have been in my bathroom cabinet for more than a year. I haven’t touched them because edibles scare me….and I’ve been smoking pot since 1970ish. Sandberg had zero interest in this and now he gets high every day? How did this happen? What’s next….Ryno is gonna do ludes or acid?

Ryne Sandberg is my all-time favorite Cub player. It began when he was first traded to the Cubs before the 1982 season. In his first spring training, the Cubs were trying to figure what position he should play. They tried him in centerfield, shortstop, and finally had him play third base for a year before moving him to second base, where he became an all-time great defender. There was something about his versatility that I loved. He became my main man and stayed that way throughout his career.

In 1992, I named my youngest daughter after Sandberg. Her middle name is Ryan. A few years ago, I ran into a Sandberg in a bathroom at a public event. I didn’t say anything about naming my child after him; I just let him continue to do his business. But now, if that the same thing happens again, I have a new topic to chat him up:

‘Hey Ryno, you know where I can score some weed?’

“Awesome! Totally awesome!”–  Jeff Spicoli

Related Post: Everybody Must Get Stoned

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