Category: Mom & Pa Faux Pas

I got told by a soccer dad

Today was the first day of soccer and if you’d like to save yourself the next 10 paragraphs, it ended in me getting yelled at. There are twelve games being played simultaneously on one, huge, monotonous field like some kind of Spartan training ground. Seriously, there are no landmarks and a sea of identical people.... Read more »

Mothers arrested for everything now

A mother in South Carolina was arrested last month for using profanity in front of her children. Apparently Danielle Wolf let a few eff-bombs slip because her kids were messing with loaves of bread while grocery shopping in a Kroger store. A nosy fellow customer (who later apologized and mentioned the abuse she received as... Read more »

Raising Powder: Living in fear of the sun

I have to sign my oldest child up for camps that happen indoors. It’s always been this way. I dress her like a beekeeper, I slather SPF 100 (not an exaggeration) onto her pearl skin in 45-minute intervals. I apply it and reapply it and instruct caregivers that it’s not a normal sunburn she gets.... Read more »

All the ways I'm driving the nanny crazy

I don’t usually tell the internet when I leave town. HI, PLEASE ROB ME. This time though, my house will be full of in-laws, a temporary nanny and two ferocious little girls whose combined weight is almost that of a doberman. If you want to tousle with those ninjas, go right ahead and get embarrassed.... Read more »

How do people have three children?

This will be brief because with a newborn baby who occupies my left arm like a hippy in an endangered forest (happy due date to me, by the way. BEST DUE DATE EVER since I have a baby and a glass of wine instead of boat feet and a belly the size of the equator.... Read more »

Who's the villain in your house?

I’ve worked up the moxie to talk about something that’s been burning on my mind for awhile now. Years? Definitely months.  I finally put a finger on it when I read my friend’s post about her son who likes to dance. If you haven’t yet, take a moment to fall in love with “If My... Read more »

Hello, Duchess! Welcome to moms judging your choices!

Being a princess is hard, amirite, Duchess of Cambridge? I mean it’s not hard-hard and you do kind of get a pass on all your baby choices because no one believes you’re making them yourself anyway, but I do want to give you a big welcome hug to the Land Of Mom Criticism you’ve entered... Read more »

All moms yell

One day while my mother-in-law was helping us organize the new house, I got onto my daughter for dropping food. “Ahh! Be more careful!” I huffed and dabbed the crumbs like they were killer spiders. Yes, I yelled. You do it. I do it. Moms get annoyed at crumbs (and unfinished homework discovered in backpacks... Read more »

Why it's rude to be fake pregnant on April fool's day *cough* LINDSAY LOHAN

Okay, maybe Lindsay Lohan is really pregnant. She tweeted, “it’s official . . . pregnant” at the tail end of The Great Unholiday that was yesterday. Maybe she’ll squeeze parenting in between her court dates and mandatory rehab. We can’t know! But if it was a prank, may I thwap her on the head with... Read more »

Adult mother/daughter relationships - I'm not her!

“I’m so CORN-fused!” I cracked up at my own (stupid) joke, and caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror. Same toothy grin. Same thin lips. Same hazel eyes. Same face. Same bizarre, clean, ironic-appreciation-of-the-obvious sense of humor. Panic. Nobody wants to turn into their mother. For most people it’s a fear of Not Your... Read more »