Category: Hippies

Throwing food in the trash = SIN!

I’m livid right now. Naturally, the answer is to blog it out, presumably to an audience who will call me a jobless [DELETED] in need of rhinoplasty. But let’s begin! It seriously pains me to throw food away. Uneaten produce has to turn black in my refrigerator in order to get a trash pass. (Think... Read more »

I wanted to like acupuncture.

I forgot if I mentioned we were in a car accident in January. If you are wondering whether I survived, the answer is yes. Imaginary applause! It was a minor thing. To stamp out the last bit of whiplash, my chiropractor recommended a few sessions with a voodoo needle ninja an acupuncturist. Needles aren’t my favorite thing,... Read more »

Martha Stewart told me she hated peanut butter

When I opened my mail today I found a clipping from my eagle-eyed friend, Claire, who spotted a comment about peanut butter Martha Stewart made to Taste Of Home magazine. First of all, yes, someone sent me a real piece of mail and secondly, it contained a printed clipping of something. But back to the... Read more »

World's worst mom puts Rasinets in Easter basket

Are you ready PARTY? Don’t even think you can rock as hard as this mom. Not only did I spend 40 minutes deliberating over the least evil chocolate Easter bunny in the candy aisle, but I ended up choosing the “healthiest” one in the ugliest packaging and I’m not even putting it in their baskets.... Read more »

Baby poop mud mask: A natural beauty treatment

Like most eco-conscious folks these days, I’ve been composting my table scraps and sprouting my own seeds to create free organic produce for my family this year. Sure, we have about as much “lawn” in the City of Chicago as most people have counter space, but we’re just treading lightly*. We’re amazing**. Do you feel... Read more »

How to make a three-year-old behave

If you had an eleven-foot-tall, 520-pound boss with whom you were only marginally able to communicate, who corrected you 24 hours a day and decided when you slept and what you ate, do you think you might do a lot of crying? I’d probably scream and fling myself to the floor when she offered me... Read more »

Ohio school shooting: Time for gun control, guys

You know what a gun is, right? A tiny killing machine that just about any person can use against another, whose only purpose is to cause death or the fear thereof? Which is exactly what happened in a school in Ohio this morning and many other high schools beginning with the spree at Columbine in... Read more »

I sucked at stand-up

I was terrible at stand-up comedy. I was all boobs and run-on sentences. The audience would just stare at me, like “What? No period jokes?” I don’t make period jokes, I don’t hate men and I don’t have any cats. Those were the main topics covered by local female comedians at the time and apparently no... Read more »

Your fat baby is not your fault!

Furniture manufacturers are outfitting American schools with super sized desks due to the increasing size of children, reported Wednesday. But it doesn’t stop at bigger desks and chairs – even the toilets at schools are being put on steroids to keep up with the, err, “changing” size of American kids. This epidemic of fat... Read more »

I love toiling endlessly: Bread Series Part II

I’m busting a cap in my friend Chelsea. She’s the sweetest little doll you’ll ever meet, but we’re involved in a bread war (our sanity vs. the temptation to succumb to pure hippidom) and at the moment she has us pegged. With one victorious stroke of her keyboard she has immobilized us. Women down. Remember... Read more »