Category: Being German

If you hate writing, don't write

There are a lot of things I’d like to be –  musically inclined, Elle Woods from Legally Blonde etc. I only realized the latter after I went so far as to register for the LSAT and spent like ten whole hours in coffee shops with my $32 study book before, thankfully, it dawned on me... Read more »

The great, unstoppable Maria Karvunidis is gone

Sadly, I have the honor of writing the obituary for my mother-in-law, the legendary Maria Karvunidis. I missed her from the moment she took her last breath in our arms. The following will appear in the Chicago Tribune this Sunday and next week in The Evanston Review. — Maria Lieselotte Karvunidis, 68, of Lake Geneva,... Read more »

Cynical 10-year-old writes hilarious 1-star review of Disney's Cinderella restaurant

Who knew the hottest restaurant in America was in the middle of Florida? Cinderella’s Royal Table at Disney World is booked solid, from 6:00 AM until the park closes, six months in advance and reservations are only available to guests paying hundreds of dollars a day for park entrance. It’s the thing to do, I’m... Read more »

My favorite thing about my mother-in-law

I had them both work on each frame so they kind of shared ownership of them.
I’ve been really hung up about my mother-in-law’s raw deal with no-answer cancer, which I’ve discussed, oh, three days in a row now. You never get sick of me! I’m your internet lover bestie! So let’s talk about my favorite thing about her. She does things. Back in the way-back times of 2006 when we... Read more »

There are two of me

A midwife I’d barely met tapped into something very astute about me when I was in labor. A few hours previously, I had rejected her suggestion of narcotics for pain because, well, the word “narcotic” scared me. Wasn’t that for druggies on the news? Krokodil and crack pipes, etcetera? (I feel like an old person... Read more »

I told my kids I'm gorgeous

I never go to Kohl’s. I don’t know what struck me to go to a department store on Black Friday – I think it was an ad for a half price Barbie Volkswagen or maybe the allure of being near Target without having to stop in, like when my newborn insists to sleep with my... Read more »

Grief: I'm a cold, terrible person I guess

I already tagged this post, “Being German” and I don’t even know where it’s going yet. I just know it’s going to have something to do with my steely exterior and love of non-sweet sweets. Seriously, ever try cake and coffee in Germany? It’s like washing down a chalk waffle with tar and we like... Read more »

Life with a sexxy face scar

I’ve been meaning to write this for years. Who knows why today’s the day, but saddle up! We’re going to talk about The Thing I Never Talk About Mainly Because It Doesn’t Matter: my scar. The prominent one, right on my face, that I’ve had since I was three years old. The face scar that... Read more »

Mama, close your computer

Time for a real-talk earnest post. [Backwards chair] If you’ve been following this blog, you’ll know I’ve had a rough month. It was almost exactly a month ago I found out we lost one of our twins, nearly halfway through this pregnancy. Complicating the grieving process have been a few things: having to rely on... Read more »

I made the last phone call

There’s a phone call I’ve been avoiding. I put it off for weeks. For some reason, I have no trouble spilling my guts on the internet (it just feels like it’s me here on the couch, I forget the rest of the world exists until I get comments). I told the essential people our minus-one-twin... Read more »