Archive for October 2014

Ghost stories my kids came up with tonight

Our family loves telling our own bed time stories. The girls are at that age where they are old enough to articulate their thoughts, but they still believe in magic. Also, ghosts. Too bad pops wasn’t home, or he would have riffed on that tornado idea. All we need is a banjo and we’re a... Read more »

Weaning the baby: The luck of letting go

I didn’t nurse the baby last night, or this morning either. There’s that slight ache. For two minutes yesterday she did want to nurse to calm down after being clunked in the head when her sisters wrestled her into a “baby sandwich” an inch too close to the coffee table. Soon she was bored with... Read more »

A feminist can make a man a sandwich

During this business of my husband plunking down a bar in the family room and my consequent protest on the heels of his taking over the other rooms (he’s like a window box of ivy – very nice, but turn your back and he’s everywhere) he offered a small acknowledgment that he was starting to see... Read more »

This is why people hate realtors

My husband bought a bar for our house. Like, he bought a huge, actual bar complete with cushy barstools and two guys named Norm and Cliff to occupy our family room. The bar was supposed to replace the eye sore of little tables he set up for himself in the living room, but instead, he... Read more »

Enlist Duo: EPA approves super weedkiller, gets hit with lawsuit

The EPA approved your worst nightmare last week: a new super duper weedkiller called Enlist Duo intended to combat the “super weeds” Monsanto’s herbicides created. Basically, our crops are drowning in stronger and stronger poison because we accidentally beefed up the weeds. Whoops. The whole thing between weeds and herbicides is like the plot of... Read more »

The (sneaky) ways Disney forces you to be happy

Excuse me, before I begin, I’ll need to shake these sparkles out of my hair. That’s better. My family just got back from Disney World and I was expecting: a nightmare chorus of toddler meltdowns, $35 ice cream cones, sweaty, angry, sunbeaten parents and maybe spotting that tiny princess castle in all the brochure pictures.... Read more »

A rebuttal to the "Same-Sex Marriage" brochure I found at church

Hello there, mister (?) author of the Same-Sex Marriage brochure I found at church this morning. I was just milling around in the lobby of a cathedral – wait, they do call those lobbies, right? Ye high holy foyers? – when I saw a kiosk of brochures. As a bored person sometimes does, I browsed... Read more »

A ghost story of . . . faith?

It’s no surprise to me that Halloween is edging up as an important holiday with Christmas and Easter. After all, aren’t the latter two full of spirits and ghosts? Tell yourself this is fiction if you need to. I’m being haunted. When my mother-in-law went under the care of hospice in her home, I didn’t... Read more »

I hate character kids' clothes! I SAID IT OUT LOUD.

I hate kids clothing with Disney crap on it. I know, this topic is a source of controversy on these here internets because what isn’t in the age of Click Hole and the mommy wars, but try not to murder me in my sleep. There’s a camp who thinks their kids wearing clothing with brand... Read more »

Northshore Chicago: Badass school receptionist thwarts invading sex-offender

Don’t mess with Northshore school office ladies. They may seem meek, but they will toss you out on your collar if you try to creep your way into a public middle school on their watch, any convicted pervs who may be reading. The receptionist at Highcrest Middle School is to thank for thwarting a would-be... Read more »