Archive for September 2014

No, I don't want my daughter getting an IUD

This week, the American Academy of Pediatrics published its recommendation for sexually active teenage girls to choose Intrauterine Devices (IUDs) to avoid pregnancy. That’s right, IUDs as a best option to prevent pregnancy was published in a pediatrics journal. Kids. Babies. Using IUDs. Look, I know teens are going to have sex, but an IUD... Read more »

USDA and EPA: Gross new herbicide's approval spreading like a weed

I got an email from Morgan Fairchild yesterday. If you’ve ever backed a Democratic candidate, I’m sure you got the same one. We need to “rush” to the polls Nov. 4 and in the meantime, spill a little extra coin toward the campaign. Blergh. It seems like every other day I’m getting inboxed with requests... Read more »

Was the third boob hoax really that far fetched?

By now you’ve heard of the lady who paid $20k to have a third boob installed with the simultaneous goals of: repelling men’s interest and getting a reality show on MTV. Yes, . . . please pay me no mind over here with my third boob and also pay lots of attention to me about... Read more »

Remodeling Before & After: My house brochure v. my actual house [PICS!]

The dining room: I wonder if the other people who lived here were as loud as us during dinner?
One day while I was cleaning last year (probably the last time I cleaned. Gong.) I found the original brochure from when we bought our house. That must have been the land before DSL cameras because it’s all blurry like an episode of Maude. Was Bea Arthur a fox back then, or was that show... Read more »

Girly bathroom remodel [PICS!]

This is as good as I can do for a "before". I guess it's really a "during" because I promise I bathed the kids before September 2014.
GREAT NEWS: It only took us 23 months to remodel this house. That means the last time I knew peace, Mitt Romney was running for President by assuring us he had binders full of women. Wait. Maybe that was not peace. That must have been ennui I was feeling. We’re in the present day now... Read more »

DiGiorno Pizza is not to blame for domestic violence #WhyIstayed

Did you hear about the poor guy who runs the DiGiorno Pizza twitter account who made the grave error of not researching the hashtag #WhyIstayed? He thought it was about love, so he tweeted, “#WhyIstayed You had pizza” with a picture of a lady giving some true romance to a box of food from the... Read more »

I got told by a soccer dad

Today was the first day of soccer and if you’d like to save yourself the next 10 paragraphs, it ended in me getting yelled at. There are twelve games being played simultaneously on one, huge, monotonous field like some kind of Spartan training ground. Seriously, there are no landmarks and a sea of identical people.... Read more »

School ban: No cartwheels on the playground!

After a student hurt her wrist on the playground, a school in Queensland, Austrailia has banned “unsupervised cartwheels”. Also included in the ban are handstands, cheerleading, gymnastics and fun of any kid. Just kidding. There is still plenty of fun to be had standing motionless during recess. Just play “statue”! Or “Lobotomy”! Don’t these kids... Read more »

Yes, I gave my kid a weird name [PICS]

This is the dress Bee sketched. I know, it's right out of Women's Wear Daily.
All the parents of Aidens and Addisons can go ahead and high five yourselves for side-stepping today’s predictable dilemma. Basically, I named my kid something weird and now her classmates are making comments. They’re not even making fun of her, they’re just curious how kindergarteners can be sometimes. She goes by Bee. Yes, the buzzing... Read more »

Mothers arrested for everything now

A mother in South Carolina was arrested last month for using profanity in front of her children. Apparently Danielle Wolf let a few eff-bombs slip because her kids were messing with loaves of bread while grocery shopping in a Kroger store. A nosy fellow customer (who later apologized and mentioned the abuse she received as... Read more »