Crap justice alert: Felony for helping ducklings

A lady was convicted of “criminal” negligence in a Canadian court this week because she did something stoopid (but with a warm, fuzzy heart!). In 2010 Emma Czornobaj pulled her car over in the left lane of the highway to help some orphaned baby ducks who might need their pinafores tucked in or something, but hey dummy, everyone knows you’re supposed to pull your car over on the shoulder of the road. I guess when the fate of precious baby ducks lay in the balance, you just halt your steed wherever and put your cape on.


One problem: Other people drive on the highway. An unsuspecting father had his minor daughter on the back of his motorcycle (SO SAFE) when he struck the animal lover’s car. The pair was killed. Czornobaj was tried by jury and convicted on two counts of criminal negligence causing death and two counts of dangerous driving causing death. She now faces life in prison.

Now, let’s break this down.

1. A person concerned about living things stopped her day to rescue baby ducks. How do you think she feels knowing two people are dead now?

2. Yes, it was stupid to stop her car in a lane of the highway.

3. Wow, that is really sad two people died. People just, die. Isn’t that strange? You have this running internal monologue your whole life and you spend so much time hating your fat arms or your schnoz, but really, your body is this delicate, animated thing that only serves you for so long and then, ZAP. You cease to exist. No more brain narrative like, “No, this lady does not think the line starts in front of me”. Weird.

4. Is it legal to transport your child on the back of a motorcycle?

5. Would this accident have resulted in death if they had been in a car? Not trying to be a bitch, just saying . . . you do accept some level of extra risk when you drive a motorcycle. Danger is the whole appeal, no? It’s not like the duck helper was driving and didn’t see the motorcycle, which is a whole different problem. The motorcyclists chose to drive in the open air, forgoing the protection of shatterproof glass, bumpers, quarter panels and a roof. It’s still very sad and they wouldn’t have died if her car wasn’t there, but they also might not have died if they were in a vehicle. Maybe. We need Science.

6. Life in prison? Really? Even the victims’ own family thought that was stupid. From the NY Post:

Pauline Volikakis, whose husband and daughter were killed in the collision, briefly fought back tears when she left the courtroom.
“I don’t wish misfortune on anyone,” Volikakis said. “It’s time that we go on. This will not bring (back) my loved ones.”

7. Given that there was no malice and everyone has suffered enough, maybe it just boils down to the prosecutor not being an animal person. She said she wanted the message to society with this verdict to be, “we do not stop on the highway for animals.” Okay then. Cruella Deville.

Edit, 8. The motorcyclist was estimated to be speeding about 13-29 kilometers per hour over the speed limit, so he was speeding up to 18 miles per hour over. On a motorcycle. With a kid on the back.

PERSONAL ASIDE: I don’t know. Maybe I’m just sensitive because the center of our family was recently put in the hands of Hospice. It feels like I’m watching Atreyu’s horse sink in the Swamp of Sadness and I just want to yell FIGHT! Get up and FIGHT! Don’t you want to rearrange my house while I’m out picking up groceries? Don’t you see me obviously incorrectly vacuuming? Why are you not pinching my belly and admonishing my carbohydrates? I’d give anything for her to surprise me by installing a coo coo clock above the baby’s crib again while I’m not looking. I know our house of cards is about to collapse. We all love this woman so much, but there is no justice in cancer.

I just can’t handle any more iniquity. Why does the world backfire on people who are just trying to do good things?

Anyway, back to the the blundering highway crusader. I at least hope the ducklings are ok.


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