Archive for February 2014

I'm only telling you this so I can order pizza for dinner

Thank you, Highlights magazine for the fish invitation template.
Awhile back, someone broke the mom code of not gifting living things to other peoples’ children and gave us a fish. A fish is worse than a puppy since the poop-to-benefit ratio is quite low. They are way too much work for something that will not push my wheelchair when I’m old or even walk... Read more »

The key to a better wife

I’ve got a few strengths. I can make a decent taco dip. I used to be able to do the splits. I could probably blast your face off in a rap battle ala 8 Mile like, there’s vomit on his sweater already, mom’s spaghetti  . . . LOSE yourself in the moment, you own it.... Read more »

Steves are always rascals

My new friend Carrie was asking about how to get in contact with another Carrie, which made me think of my old friend, a different Carrie, when new-Carrie said something to the effect that all Carries are cool. Agreed. I know about five Carries and I like them all, which got me thinking of other... Read more »

911: My kid hid from me during an emergency!

Now that the clouds have lifted a bit for me, I’m looking back to myself a few weeks ago realizing just how dark I was. For example, I kind of got convinced that I was going to keel over and die of a brain aneurysm (or something! you never know!) so I took an afternoon... Read more »

Sorry Michelle Duggar, YES married people can say NO to sex - UPDATED

Michelle Duggar is at it again with the life lessons. I know she has a popular world view among certain segments of society, but I myself happen to respectfully disagree on her stance that a wife must “always be available” when her husband wants sex. No one can have autonomy over another person’s body. It... Read more »

What it's like to be on Zoloft?

About a week ago I was grouching through the getting-out-the-door process with the three little people in my house. No, the fuzzy boots, not the sparkle shoes! Zip your coats! Off the baby! Help your sister with her hat! Wait until we’re in the car! No! Hands to yourself! Out! – when the phone rang... Read more »

Congenital Heart Defect week: A stadium full of babies! #CHD

Imagine Wrigley Field packed to capacity, not one empty seat. Now, instead of the bleachers full of sunburned people swilling Old Style, put a baby in every seat instead. A baseball park full of babies – that’s how many infants are born every year in the United States with a Congenital Heart Defect (CHD). Today... Read more »

Nice to be nice: Eating meat vs vegetarian

When I got the hospital bill for Boss’s birth, I mailed a check for the balance posthaste. I don’t like to have things hanging over my head, you know? Or lost in a pile with a bunch of coupons for gutter cleaning and fliers for bingo night. (The K house is all sex and style!)... Read more »