Archive for November 2013

One thing I don't have down? The breast pump.

Now that I’m on my third kid, there are things I’ve mastered. I’m a ninja at stuffing tiny, angry legs into baby tights, for example and don’t even try me on my bouncing sway. Sometimes I bounce-sway when I’m not even holding a baby. People probably think I have to pee or that I’ve got... Read more »

Why you shouldn't be afraid to have a baby

Ah, shoo. Now that there’s a pop in the population of people reading this blog, I feel like I have to be Laurel & Hardy up in herr, like I have to do a little soft shoe as I sing my messages about VAGINA POWER and nasto chemicals in your drinking water and the Elf.... Read more »

The Christmas cards I really want to send

If you judged my life by the Christmas cards I send every year, we’ve really got it together. Look at us. We’re so quiet and always have clothes on when we’re in only two dimensions. It’s that time of year to order cards again and I wonder if maybe I should start being honest. What... Read more »

How do people have three children?

This will be brief because with a newborn baby who occupies my left arm like a hippy in an endangered forest (happy due date to me, by the way. BEST DUE DATE EVER since I have a baby and a glass of wine instead of boat feet and a belly the size of the equator.... Read more »

In defense of "pinkwashing" . . . the Civil Rights era

One of my favorite peeps, Moms Who Drink And Swear made some great points this morning against the practice of “pinkwashing” – that is, amending books to be more age-appropriate, aka childproofing Harry Potter, an arguable classic. MWDAS was responding to a mom who admits weaving in better lessons and plucking out offensive parts of... Read more »

Postpartum depression: Am I about to go down the spiral?

To anyone who asks me the story of Boss’s birth, they get the happy version. I leave out a few details. You know, clean it up for polite company. Only 20 minutes of pushing! I want to send a fruit basket to the delivery team! She was as loud and pink and hungry as my... Read more »

How to go into labor + BABY PICS!

With this third baby, I was over pregnancy by half way through. DUNZO. I wanted my body cleared of squatters the second I hit the official “full term” milestone of 37 weeks and not a minute later. I wanted to know how to go into labor, like, yesterday. Wouldn’t you know, the day before I... Read more »

Grief: I'm a cold, terrible person I guess

I already tagged this post, “Being German” and I don’t even know where it’s going yet. I just know it’s going to have something to do with my steely exterior and love of non-sweet sweets. Seriously, ever try cake and coffee in Germany? It’s like washing down a chalk waffle with tar and we like... Read more »