Archive for September 2013

Internet hate: Would you call me a "snake with t*ts" to my face?

From across a reception table at a wedding last week, I promised a stranger I’d send him a Christmas card. The table had been in conversation for half an hour about how we all knew the groom (who was the Jerry to my Elaine circa 2003). We had covered sound systems and mutual aquaintances and... Read more »

Advice to stay-at-home-dads from a cold, cold playground mom

If you’re a stay-at-home-dad having a little trouble in the daytime social landscape dominated by lady parents, I’m here to help. Nothing makes your eyebrows curl into question marks like HOW WOMEN WHY??? when it comes to your playground peers snubbing you for play dates and idle chit chat, amirate? What’s up with these stuck-up... Read more »

Burn: Fat-shamed by the midwife

Hey, girl! Tubbi McGrosserton over here! At your service to devour chocolate cakes and random things dipped in peanut butter! Who am I kidding, I’m here to inhale anything laying around. Socks? Jump ropes? Cucumbers? J/k, I’m not eating cucumbers because it would encroach on the precious digestive space where PANCAKES!!! dipped in PIZZA!!! rolled... Read more »

Life with a sexxy face scar

I’ve been meaning to write this for years. Who knows why today’s the day, but saddle up! We’re going to talk about The Thing I Never Talk About Mainly Because It Doesn’t Matter: my scar. The prominent one, right on my face, that I’ve had since I was three years old. The face scar that... Read more »

Sorry, not feeling "dead baby" decor this year

I felt like killing a little time today, so I took my two-year-old to the Halloween superstore. I love Halloween! When people ask me my due date, I tell them I’m rooting for October 31. (Someone helpfully pointed out to me the other day that since she’s a girl, I’d better avoid that date so... Read more »

In the words of Ice Cube, today was a good day

I feel like I put in a good day of momming yesterday. [blows on knuckles] I made french toast, had everyone dressed (rather cutely!) and out the door by 9:00, put the finishing signatures on the girls’ 529s at the bank and made it to the first day of dance class with only snapping at... Read more »

Congenital Heart Defects - cool club, bro

As of yesterday at 10:45 AM, I’m a member of a new club. Moms of babies with congenital heart defects. Heart babies. CHD. Honestly, I can’t really work up the ole cheerleader excitement to wave a flag or rally for awareness or pin a certain color of ribbon to my body parts. I’m tired of... Read more »

Selfies: The danger of blaming girls

I had to take a day to calm down from my rage tower after reading the now-infamous “FYI (if you’re a teenage girl)” post written by a conservative Texas mother of boys who thinks the girls in her son’s Facebook feed should cover up – all while posting shirtless, flexing photos of her sons. (There’s... Read more »

Why Vodka Samm is terrifying - a primer for my daughters

Two disturbing party girls have sprung up in the media the past few days – one dead, one now internet famous. As a former party girl myself who happens to have three daughters now, I am terrified. To the bone. The latter is “Vodka Samm” the 22-year-old University of Iowa student whose frightening alcohol tolerance... Read more »