Archive for June 2013

Surviving bed rest, aka, How to be a floating head in a jar

I may be short, but I’m brutish in strength and mental fortitude. It’s called Napoleon complex and ladies have it too. I’m the type who gives birth after 24 hours of labor and crawls down from the table like, I’ll meet you at the car, man. I don’t care if my entrails are dragging on... Read more »

My maternity pinup photos - capturing happiness

So now that I’ve become that mom of the gone baby at gatherings (awkward, trust me, nobody knows what to say) I may as well go all out and post naked pictures of myself on the internet, right? It’s only logical. I mean, how effed up can my situation really get? Whole hog! Full enchilada!... Read more »

Atrazine: The EPA-approved, EU-banned chemical in your body right now

Sometimes things happen in life. Cars crash, chips fall, hearts attack. Sometimes children die and it’s completely a chance event, one that you can’t dwell on finding causes or spend your life answering unanswerable questions like, “why my child”? And then there are events in life that have causes. For example, drunk drivers made the... Read more »

It feels good to have friends

I’m living on a diet of Edible Arrangements and the homemade brownies my neighbor baked. My sister-in-law has been the fairy godmother of errand running. On Saturday, a picnic lunch is coming my way and next Friday, I believe I have plans to stare at the wall with a friend I’ve known since second grade.... Read more »

Sometimes the beauty of life is the sad kind

I could hold it together in the woods, on vacation. This past week we were in a cabin in the Dells on a trip we take every year that includes silly old-timey photos and carnival rides. This year our in-laws came along and rented the perfect little matching Lincoln Log cabin beside us. It was... Read more »

Edward Snowden is not a hero

NSA whistleblower Edward Snowden is not only a terrible boyfriend (LEAD STORY!) he’s also a little thing called a traitor for leaking classified documents he was paid $200,000 a year to protect. There has been lots of praise bestowed on this “hero” who sacrificed his personal and professional life in the name of government transparency.... Read more »

The making of a Cubs fan

Bee & Buh-Stell acted like it was Christmas when they woke up. IT WAS BASEBALL DAY.
In 2003, I was orphaned by my roommates. I had arrived to Chicago a year before in a caravan of girls, but just twelve months later they had all been plucked off, one by one, like platform sandal-wearing locusts dying at the end of summer. Jana went back to our hometown to do hair. Elizabeth... Read more »

How to quit smoking, even if you've been doing it since 1998

Today on Jezebel, Anna Breslaw commiserates with smokers in this era of green tea smoothies and yoga crazies. I read it because I used to smoke. A lot. Crap, now that the government is going through our underwear drawer and pieceing together whether we cheat on our diets with our Grub Hub orders, I’m a... Read more »

Parents facing abortion are not "barbarians"

Oooh, boy, this is about to be a fun one! As you may know from reading this here innerweb site, we’re currently pregnant with twins, one of whom is in a bit of jeopardy. We were originally given a 50/50 chance of Baby A (Squirt!) having a lethal chromosomal abnormality due to the poor babe’s... Read more »

11 unusual baby nursery themes

What does every future crotch-rocketeer need at birth? A Harley Davidson nursery. Burn rubber, baby! HELLS BELLS. via SassyKatCreations
Guys, I’m planning my third nursery for my fourth daughter. Inspiration is running a little stale. Coming up with something cute that I can sew myself that I haven’t already done is like asking me to expand my repertoire for dinner. After taco night and pizzas, I just stare at the wall and hope food... Read more »