Why it's rude to be fake pregnant on April fool's day *cough* LINDSAY LOHAN

Okay, maybe Lindsay Lohan is really pregnant. She tweeted, “it’s official . . . pregnant” at the tail end of The Great Unholiday that was yesterday. Maybe she’ll squeeze parenting in between her court dates and mandatory rehab. We can’t know! But if it was a prank, may I thwap her on the head with a newspaper like the scolding frau I am and explain why that ain’t cool.

1. It’s trite. Announcing a fake pregnancy on April Fool’s is the spring equivalent of a pumpkin costume at Halloween. Played out. Been to There and done the That. Be the screaming undead Mario brother of April Fool’s day, but don’t be the I’m-fake-pregnant lady. It just shows how boring you are. This is especially inexcusable for someone in the arts. Why not be creative and announce you’re sober, Lilo? GONG. Okay, maybe my jokes need work too. Lindsay, call me!

2. It’s insensitive. I know, we live in this thing called a world where there are other people who have these annoying roadblocks to our lame pranks called FEELINGS, but let’s consider them for a moment. There are women who would shred their own skin to get pregnant. Infertility and (shudder) infant and child loss bring some of the most raw grief in the human spectrum, so when you get all “haha, I’m preggers, ya’ll!” followed by, “J/K! LOLZ” it can burn another human being in an indescribable way. And for what? It’s not even a cool joke. It’s like making a zingless rape joke. If you’re going to be terrible, at least be good.

3. Why cry wolf? What if you do end up pregnant and your announcement has no sparkle because you used up that element of surprise on April 1? It’s like, WHAT? Lilo, a MOM? And then joke or no-joke, the seed has been planted and the spark of excitement is dulled if she announces a real pregnancy later on. It’s basic marketing. If you want the biggest impact, drop something big on an unsuspecting crowd.

Oh, and if you really are pregnant, save your announcement until at least April 9.

UPDATE: Lindsay Lohan confirmed via Twitter that it was indeed a prank by wondering, “April Fools. Where’s everyone’s sense of humor?” Le sigh.

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