ZOMG! Britney Spears! Las Vegas! She's Going To Vegas! I'm Going To Vegas!

AHHHHHHH! You guys! Seriously, ahhhhhhh! 

I had to get that out. And while I did, I stubbed my toe on the couch, but it was worth it because Britney Spears is headlining in Vegas! Which means I’m going to Vegas, obvs. The deal is in “final negotiations” and insiders would be “shocked if it didn’t happen“. Good enough for me! Apparently the last stitches in the britches are picking a casino and a date (soon!) and by britches, I am referring to the red ones. Remember when Britney Spears used to wear pants? I do!

You love this.

Let’s call this The Diane Keaton.

Best things about Britney headlining in Vegas:

1. It means we can all go to Vegas and party together, whenever we want.

2. I’m hoping sex wax in bleached blonde hair comes back.

3. There are sure to be commemorative coffee mugs.

4. And onesies!

5. It’s Britney, bitch.

6. Las Vegas is already one of my favorite towns, with the spectrum of partiers, slot machines in the bathrooms and wood paneling in the seedier places where people still smoke.

7. I spontaneously got engaged at Mandalay Bay and Britney spontaneously got married, so maybe we’ll both wander casino halls reminiscing about the 2000’s and we’ll run into each other and she’ll be like, “OMG, let’s trade tights!” and I’ll be like, “um, maybe earrings!” Then we’ll par-tee.

8. Crap, who’s going to take my kids while I go to Vegas? I’ll figure it out and when I do, it will mean at least two whole days without discovering a curdled milk sippy cup under my seat. Maybe.

9. Vegas is the only vacation that can pay for itself. I’m extremely lucky in situations of chance, so every time I go to Vegas I wind up ahead by a couple bucks. (I always win the lottery too.) It makes for a very guilt-free day dream about this trip!

10. This will be Britney’s big come back. At next year’s Super Bowl it will her wearing a black fanny doily and her back-up dancers getting walkers superimposed on their performance gifs.


We’ll all throw confetti! We’ll weep in the streets! You’ll put down your beatin’ umbrellas cause you know that your tox-ic.

Thanks, Farah!


Feel free to spread this glorious news by “liking” this post and deciding which fur vest we’re going to pack in our suit cases on Facebook.

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