Archive for November 2012

Being blonde: The rubber stamp of identities

This morning a guy in a ball cap with a towel over his shoulder walk-shouted to me at the gym I joined five seconds ago, “Oh, hi again!” “Oh hi!” I called back. My sister-in-law, who shames me by looking like Kelly Kapowski with a six-pack: Do you know him? Me: Of course not. This scenario... Read more »

POLL: Should your doctor call you with lab results?

I went to my doctor’s office for a tetnus shot yesterday after gouging my foot on a steak knife (Darwin award!) and the nurse taking my vitals asked me if I had been taking my prescription. What prescription? Apparently when I came in for my last physical 17 months ago, an abnormal lab came back... Read more »

What to buy a second baby, a gift guide

Oh, Santa. You’re stuck with a pickle this year, aren’t you?  You’ve got two kids to buy for and while one is forging ahead into unchartered territory of real bikes and electronics, the baby (who helps with your crossword, but you haven’t had another child so she’s “the baby”) just inherits everything. Second Baby Syndrome... Read more »

How not to screw up your kids during the holidays

Hi there, Internet! Are the holidays tough for you? Allow me to bait the haterz in my comment section and just say they are very tough for me, a decided weak spot indeed. I wouldn’t say I had a bad childhood comparatively speaking. In fact, it would be the height of hubris to think I’m... Read more »

Coed Prison Sluts on the North Shore: Most Offensive Play Ever

Have you ever wanted to puke from your eyeballs? It takes a lot to bore me. It takes even more to shock me. As I type this, the second half a play so offensive and boring and horrible that we walked – no, stalked out of rages on at a tiny theater in a quaint... Read more »

Trying to phone in a birthday party

Did you know I used to be an awesome party planner? And by that I mean I was a competitive circus meister who batted imaginary henchmen one-upping my celebrations. I mean, I ain’t no Pippa Middleton (bwahahahah) but my child’s first birthday was a roar of coordinated baby bolero jackets and professional cakes. Even though... Read more »

Elmo sex scandal: BURN! UPDATED

I always knew Elmo was creepy. From the over-groomed hair face to the intense demands he makes of Mr. Noodle, that boy ain’t right. Now Kevin Clash, the voice of the Elmo puppet for the past nearly three decades faces allegations that he lured a 16-year old boy into a sexual relationship. That boy, now... Read more »

Do suburban people hate the library?

My days are usually filled with new-house projects. Painting baseboards! Failing to reupholster a chair! But after almost a month in the suburbs, I suddenly remembered I should probably make some friends in case I need to borrow a cup of sugar or go on a bender. I’m now in search of mom friends with... Read more »

Obama second term: Gun control

Remember that time in college when you popped a bottle of champagne after the news outlets called the election for “President Al Gore” and you and all your buddies turned off the teev and went to bed feeling smug? And then you woke up to a hangover that lasted eight years? Well that didn’t happen... Read more »

Prude kicked from Steve Harvey Show

I’m struggling with how I handled a situation recently. The producers from The Steve Harvey show have been mining Chicago Now bloggers for talent. They call us up and invite us to be part of segments, usually relating to blogs we’ve written. I was considered for an episode about families who take bad portraits. Seriously,... Read more »