Hi, I can't sleep.

I’ve had a case of insomnia for oh, two hours now. What’s the solution? Internet! Even though Chelsea wrote a great post about getting oneself off the internet, which made me feel horribly guilty, somehow I see the answer to life’s problems is more Internet. He we go. Here’s everything on my mind at 4:00 AM.

1. Why am I leaving my house? Yes, the schools suck (hello, teachers’ strike!) and what I would pay in private tuition for two kids plus my property taxes buys some extra sreading-out room in the suburbs, which is where we’re going. But still. I’m leaving my home! The home I built with my hands with the hands of contractors I complained about on my blog! How can I leave this place? The home I woke up in the day I got married. The place where I brought both my babies home from the hospital. Sentence fragments. Beep. WHAT AM I DOING?!?!? Why am I not fighting for this community? Maybe if I just worked harder, it would be better? Or I could have sent the kids to private school if it was such a big deal. Catholic school uniforms are adorbs face. And think of the food I’m leaving. What will I do without Thai pra ram at my fingertips!??! Say it with me . . . first world problems.

2. Why do I worry about the stupidest things when there are people with real problems? People die, kids have no food. There are folks in India who have to poop outside in front of their neighbors because they have no toilet in their house. Why don’t they just use a bucket and dump it elsewhere later and play it off like it was one of the kids? I don’t know! But it’s sad, okay. I saw it on World’s Toilet Crisis. Not to mention all the problems we have here with the poverty and the cancer. And there I go, worrying about not getting peanut sauce within 20 minutes of thinking about it. I am the worst. I’m just a speck on a rock floating in space, that is how insignificant I am. Which reminds me . . .

3. We all might die of a cataclysmic disaster! Come on, you’ve heard about the caldera under Yellowstone. You know, the enormous, unstable, bubbling lake of lava and chemicals that is pushing against the earth’s surface like a giant underground pressure cooker zit that is ready to explode North American into smithereens and bury the rest of the world in an ashy winter?? SCARY. I hope I have enough cans of soup in my pantry to weather that ole storm. Probably not. Or we could get hit by a meteor and wipe out like the dinosaurs. Millions of years from now when the planet has stabilized and a new species, like probably aliens, dominates the earth, they will do archeological digs and find our bones clutched around Wiis and iPads. It’ll be like Pompeii. Except sadder because no one in the future will know that a Wii was really fun.

4. I am hungry.

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