I was out on official business the other day* when I got an email from our family iPad of some boozy cartoon mermaids. Apparently when a user finishes creating glitzy underwater mer-fashions using the “Dress Up! Mermaid!” app, she has the option of emailing the fruits of her labor to her parents. First, my three-year-old figured how to email me from the iPad. Secondly, I thought the nanny was taking the kids outside. And third, boozy mermaids?
In a serious journalistic endeavor, I finished up my work** and went home to play with this app. Indeed, a near-naked mermaid is presented and I was able to dress her up in various outfits. The styles ranged from mer-stripper to 18th-centrury mer-courtesan to Shabby Apple mer-chic. Oh, and the hand accessory options: love note, evening clutch, shell (boring!), magic wand or . . . glass of wine. I suppose it could be argued that it could be juice in the glasses, but is that any better? The last I checked (and I check often!) the drinking age is 21, but Ariel was 16. Granted, these scandalous mermaids aren’t officially affiliated with Disney so they could be mermaids of any age and maybe mer people age differently anyway, like dogs. But still. I’m a pretty liberated lady who drinks a glass of wine just about every night. I don’t believe there is anything inherently “wrong” about alcohol or enjoying it responsibly. But even I can’t get behind an app that lets my preschooler choose to outfit her toy with hooch.
I will add that this was merely a sample of the “Dress Up! Mermaid!” app, so we did not purchase it or realize she was even looking at it at all. See? I’m not the world’s worst mom.
*sitting at the hair salon while stuffing bon bons down my bon bon hole
** Ripping up dollar bills and littering the streets like confetti