Protect your family with a doomsday condo?

First there were toddler leashes, and now there are Doomsday Condos. What won’t we do to protect our families, parents?

A real estate developer in Kansas has transformed an abandoned missile silo into a luxury underground condo community, complete with a viewing deck for end-of-world watching. There’s also a pool (because clean water wouldn’t be scarce and rationed at the apocalypse or anything) a library (hopefully stocked with hard copy encyclopedias) and a minor surgery center (now that the end is near, get that boob job, ladies!) but the creepiest detail? The security system.

“[A]n elaborate security system and staff will keep marauding hordes out. The condo elevator will only operate if a person’s fingerprint matches its system, Hall said. Cameras will monitor a barbed-wire topped fence and give plenty of warning of possible intruders. Responses can range from a warning to lethal force.

‘If they try to climb the fence we can stun them,’ he said. ‘If they want to break into the system, we can put an end to that.’

I’m sure that will be a beautiful scene from the observation deck. There you are, trying to enjoy your mai tai in your giant, domed, luxury post-apocalypse swimming pool when you are rudely interrupted by starving, marauding hordes getting their terrified human claw marks all over your clean observation windows. “Honey! The marauding hordes are here! Can you grab me a towel?”

Interesting that these will be the people continuing the human race. Hundreds of years from now when the Earth is populated anew with the descendants of underground millionaires, we’ll all have the asshole gene. Legends of lore will include ancestors enduring indoor pools that weren’t drained at the end of summer. Sure, the Jews wandered the desert for 40 years on two drops of oil and a cracker, but the religious climate of 2512 will be passover-style dinners of astronaut ice cream and canned booze.

I’d love to show you pictures of the condo units, but apparently we’re the prospective marauding hordes so you’ll have to cough up a cool million for that information. In absence of traditional real estate fluffing, the developer must drum up business with good old fashioned fear. The website goes into several doomsday scenarios on the Threats tab.

I say just do it the American way. Get a loan, put on your apocalypse-viewing bikini and default when the economy goes up in a mushroom cloud. Stress = poof!


Daily Mail


Filed under: Freeks, Real Estate

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