Furniture manufacturers are outfitting American schools with super sized desks due to the increasing size of children, CNN.com reported Wednesday. But it doesn’t stop at bigger desks and chairs – even the toilets at schools are being put on steroids to keep up with the, err, “changing” size of American kids.
This epidemic of fat kids is usually blamed on bad parenting, laziness and fast food. But riddle me this: How does bad parenting explain the increasing height of children as well? Our kids are not only getting heavier, they’re also reaching hurculean heights requiring taller chairs.
What is a little scary is the pediatric growth charts are being revised to reflect modern American kids. WHAT?! Instead of addressing a sick nation, they’re just going to sweep it under the rug and normalize this unnatural collective growth spurt? Criminal. So let’s get to the real cause because it’s not the parents.
The truth is growth hormones in meat and dairy are pervasive. It’s not just fast food, it’s nearly all food in restaurants and grocery stores. In order to increase profits, farmers pump animals full of growth hormones that speed their development and make them larger than they ever would have been in nature. Also, animals are fed the wrong types of foods for their digestion such as cows whose stomachs were designed to handle grass, not corn which affects the quality of their bodies.
You eat that, you get big too.
The only solution is to eat vegan organic. But wait! Don’t click that X at the top of your screen! Hear me out, it’s really not that hard. Maybe first I should demonstrate the sizes of the people in my family and reveal our diets:
1. Me. I’ve been a vegetarian for 20 years, eaten mainly organic for the past 3 years and given up dairy for the past three weeks. I weigh in the 120’s, I’m 5’3 and never get sick enough to go to the doctor. Knock on wood, but literally never. I’m also kind of lazy.
2. My older daughter. She’s as feisty and smart as you could ask for in a kid, but she’s on in the bottom 5% for her weight and 25% for height. According to this rad height predictor she’ll only be 5’1″ as an adult, even shorter than me and probably a foot shorter than her peers. She has been sick enough to go the doctor exactly once in three years and only sick in general probably eight days of her life.
3. My younger daughter. She’s a hoss! She’s pure brute strength capped off by a mop of dark hair. She’s the absolute picture of sparkling health, taking steps and babbling along at 12 months. Lo, at her pediatric appointment yesterday they pegged her on the bottom 5% of weight just like her sister, but taller than 75% of the rest of the kids her age. She has never been to the doctor for illness.
The junk in my trunk is made of kidney beans and hummus!
Just try these dinners for a week and see how you feel:
– Taco night with the fixins: corn shells, shredded lettuce, organic salsa*, refried black beans (look for no lard if you do cans), black olives, avocado
– Thai peanut tofu: Sautee extra firm organic tofu* with fresh or frozen organic broccoli, then add thai peanut sauce (1/2 cup of crunchy peanut butter, 2 tablespoons soy sauce, 1 tablespoon white sugar, a squirt of hot sauce, a tablespoon of garlic and 1/2 cup water) served over organic brown rice*
– Pasta primavera: Chopped zuchinni, chopped summer squash and peas sauteed in olive oil and garlic, then tossed with whole wheat organic pasta
– Date night at Loving Hut
See, you can do this! We don’t need to be a nation of giants. We can enjoy guacamole and vodka and still feel good about ourselves. Besides, short people live longer.
*These organic items are on sale at Dominick’s right now, I just went yesterday!