Do people say women have "character"?

After my Men’s Rights debacle heretofore known as Toilet Watergate I received a lot of messages. Most of it was hate mail, some of it in the form of packages delivered to my home that I was afraid might actually be a bomb if it weren’t for the mail man still having all his limbs. Some of the emails and comments were ┬ápositive. Over time it has all become positive, but I figure that’s just because anyone this late to the conversation hasn’t drank the haterade.

One letter really jumped out at me. I got this yesterday and the reason I point it out is the guy speaks to my “character”. I find that charming. You might hear someone say the Dos Equis man or maybe Denzel Washington has “character” and it’s positive, but you don’t normally hear a lady’s “character” described because for women that means gray hair. And yet, I’ll agree with that statement about me because I’ve always known I that deep inside, I’m ┬áreally a large black man. Denzel and me. We’relikethis.

Just kidding, I’m super flattered. Here’s the letter.


Dear Jenna,

I just happened across some youtube accounts and internet sites associated with the Men’s Rights Movement. Eventually, I stumbled upon your situation with them. I know that it’s old news at this point, but I felt moved to write you an email of support and sympathy.

In reading some of the comments to your apology post, I got the impression of a pack of baby hyenas who have been going after big lions like MacKinnon and Valenti without a bit of success, failing even to draw notice. Finally, they got their teeth into something more their size and can’t stop yipping about it. Nor can they stop flexing their muscles. I think you must be the first person to ever be bothered by her inclusion on Register-Her – possibly even the first person ever to notice – and boy did they want the moment to last. A profuse apology was not enough: they wanted you naked and crawling in mud while flagellating yourself until your back bled. The fact that you, even upon realizing what pint-sized jackals these men were, could still declare the MRM a noble cause speaks volumes about your character. The fact that you would make such a sincere and complete apology does as well.

I see on Register-Her women who have falsely accused men of rape. I see women in positions of power who pervert the system to keep this sort of thing happening. I see women who steal men’s money and children. I see women who teach a bigoted ideology to other young girls, who preach that men are evil and inferior. And I see one woman who quoted, without malice, a false statistic and later performed a mea maxima culpa. Frankly, your article did not even require such an apology. A small correction of the admittedly hateful stat and a brief “Sorry!” would have been more than enough. But you went well beyond that, even to the point of researching the MRM and praising its goals. How many of the truly hateful feminists would have done one thousandth as much? And yet, it is precisely for these reasons that they treated you so unfairly. In politics they tell you never to apologize, and now we can see why. Because there are sharks in the water. These men have little power, and when they saw a rare opportunity to exercise it, they flexed and flexed their puny little muscles until they could flex no more. I admire someone who can stand up for something unpopular but still right. However, I also admire magnanimity, and these men have none.

I often chafe in our society when I see the way men are treated and esteemed. We need a MRM, but an episode like that is disillusioning. You deserve much better. If all women were like you – and all men – the MRM could finish its business in a matter of months by merely presenting the real facts and truth and letting reasonable people draw their conclusions. Instead, they chose to denigrate a potential ally.

Best of luck to you and your family. I hope your daughter can grow up in a better world than the one we grew up in, a world where all sorts of problems – many of them far larger than the injustice to men in the Western World – are well on their way to being solved. I have three sons, so God knows I wish it. If this email is too tardy and brought up an issue you thought was well and truly forgotten, please accept my apology.


Filed under: Menz


Leave a comment
  • Jenna:

    I was also impressed that, in your apology, you acknowledged the legitimacy of many of the issues the MRM raises, while being attacked. That did show character.

    I've noticed that, in your posts, you continue to point out places where society treats men and fathers badly, even though you get negative comments from the anti-MRM side for that. That also shows character.

    Just wanted to say thanks.

  • In reply to hopelesscase:

    Wow, thank you! While I do appreciate you reading, I do not post these things in an attempt to assuage the MRA. I agree with the SPLC determination that Men's Rights is a hate group in part due to the harassment and threats I received.

    Be that as it may, there are issues that need to come to light. One of my best friends is married to a man with a child from a previous relationship and I cry with her when they have to handle horrible situations. Men are not the only ones affected in paternity issues - the wives and families of these men are dragged around too.

    Thanks for reading!

  • I don't think the MRM is a hate movement, or that the SPLC's articles were fair or well reasoned. They were using a pretty broad brush.

    It would also not be fair to declare the broader women's rights movement as a hate group for the actions of any of its extremists or hot heads.

  • In reply to hopelesscase:

    The violence advocated by MRA leader Paul Elam absolutely qualifies as hate. The safety of my family was put in jeopardy by several zealous members of the MRM and their behavior was tolerated and even encouraged.

    I hope the lesson to take away from this conversation isn't to never write on subjects that remotely have to do with men's related issues.

  • Jenna,

    I see you have deleted the two simple questions I posted yesterday.

    All I wanted to know is if you, now, having gone through what you jokingly refer to as "Toilet Watergate" (the facetiousness of which calls the sincerity of your later-posted apology into question), consider the kind of things you said in that blog entry "hate"?

    I also want you to know that I am not trying to offend you or start a fight. I am simply writing as a man who found your post to be a hurtful reminder of the way people, and society at large, view men, simply for being born the wrong gender.

    By the way, I visit your blog from time to time, and I do agree with many of the things you say here. You seem very talented and intelligent.


  • In reply to JohnDoe:

    I will keep comments with this type of respectful tone!

    Thank you for the compliment. I will now gently remind you that I do not owe the MRA community anything. Was my post hate speech? Absolutely not. Many people prefer gender-assigned bathrooms just as many women prefer female OBGYNs. It's a matter of comfort.

    NOTE: The profile that continues to be live about me on Register Her has never been fact-checked. There is blatant wrong information on there that is unfair and has incited threats to me and my family.

    I never advocated for a policy change, the change that did happen as a result of my inquiry did not address gender, the stat I posted was sourced from Abel & Harlow 2001, my apology was sincere and more than has ever been given by anyone else offensive to your cause and I am hereby finished with the conversation. Good day!

Leave a comment