The hubs and I are in a stand-off. The time has come for a new couch and after months of couch-shopping, we’re in a deadlock. He wants a big, poofy sectional so he can take naps and disappear into the furniture when I ask him to do things.
And I want a stylie, prim and proper settee with thorns.
Why do I want my furniture to play offense? To discourage nap-taking on the sofa. It’s disgusting.
Think about it. Beds have sheets for a reason, that being you may wash away your drool and hair oils when you are done sleeping. Couches? Do not have that feature! So when you are laying there regenerating your cells and dropping eye crust everywhere, it all must remain on the couch until another decade passes and you upgrade your furniture again. (Or I guess you clean, but I’m really not the lady for that. Feel better about your momming immediately.)
Besides, why would you want to put your face where butts have spent countless hours? Maybe someone rode the city bus and sat in a dried puddle of urine and then came over for a visit on that couch. Maybe a lactose intolerant person ate buttered popcorn while watching a movie. You can’t know the history, even a brand new couch in your own home. It is impossible. So why would you want to put your face there and relax into a slumber?
Oh, I could do this all day. I have ideas for everything. Like, I think eating in the car should be sanctioned by all. Lots of people think that’s a big, gross “don’t” but as far as I’m concerned, you just spilled crumbs where no one will ever put their face. Seriously, have you ever seen a baby crawl on the floor of a car? Doesn’t happen! So I say spill all the crap there you want.
And while I’m on the topic of what is gross and what is not, let’s get in the habit of cranking an extra paper towel down for the next person in public restrooms. That has been my mini-contribution to society for ten years but I have yet to see anyone leave a cranked towel for me. Allow me this legacy!
Speaking of cranky, it’s time for my nap. In a bed.
Filed under: You fancy