Tag: Parenting

Parenting: Sometimes I'm kind of a dick to my kids

Parenting: Sometimes I'm kind of a dick to my kids
I made one of the kids cry yesterday. I won’t tell you which one; but since I have two, a boy and a girl, you have a fifty-fifty shot. This child asked what we were having for dinner. I said, “Chicken, barley, and broccoli.” The child responded with an “I hate chicken” whine. I responded... Read more »

Halloween 2015 Trend: Princesses Out, Superheroes In

Halloween 2015 Trend: Princesses Out, Superheroes In
I went to my daughter’s preschool’s Halloween concert this morning; and, based on scientific research done while observing one, single, solitary class of four-year-olds, I can tell you definitively — Ariel is out. Wonder Woman is in. Last year, in three-year-old preschool, my daughter was one of only two girls who didn’t dress up as... Read more »

My Facebook posts are not for you

I read a blog post the other day that is not worth linking to. (But apparently it is worth writing a reaction post about?) (How’s that for ending two sentences with prepositions?) The poster complained about all the back to school photos in her social media feeds. “Do we need to do this every year?”... Read more »
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Parents, your sons can watch My Little Pony

Parents, your sons can watch My Little Pony
I was at a party last weekend and a mom of boys came up to me and said she caught her sons watching My Little Pony. When you think about all the things you might catch you kids doing, catching them watching a cartoon made for children probably shouldn’t even make the list, but here... Read more »

Parenting Trends: The Harold Weir Method

Kids aren’t afraid enough these days. We Gen-Xers grew up thinking everything would kill us — drugs, cigarettes, sex, driving in a car, going to a club, walking to school. Death was constantly right around the corner. These days, kids are used to nothing having consequences. Get a bad grade? I’ll bully the teacher into... Read more »

A turtle named Titty

A turtle named Titty
Last weekend, my sister-in-law came over with a bag of toys for the kids. In it was a little stuffed turtle that my daughter took a liking to. On Saturday morning, she showed it to me. “This is my turtle,” she said. “His name is Titty.” I was on the phone with my mom at... Read more »
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Are we all suffering from information-induced anxiety?

Are we all suffering from information-induced anxiety?
I’m a big worrier. A few weeks ago, Facebook told me that anxiety is a sign of high intelligence, so I’m going to keep riding that high, thanks. All of this is so deep-seeded. I remember as a kid, one particular babysitter used to make me say the “Now I lay me down to sleep... Read more »

Why my kids don't use the "correct" terms for genitalia

Why my kids don't use the "correct" terms for genitalia
Short answer: It’s gross. Sure, my kids will probably grow up hating their bodies and never being able to have sex without a scalding shower afterwards, but that’s years in the future. I could be dead by then, or living on some Del Webb compound in Arkansas, i.e. that shit’d no longer be my problem.... Read more »

Parent Shaming and the National Hearing and Vision Screening Test

Parent Shaming and the National Hearing and Vision Screening Test
I paid twenty dollars this month to have my daughter’s eyes and ears checked at school. Apparently it’s mandatory? At this point I just write checks without question. Her hearing checked out fine, which is confusing because she never hears me when I ask her to pick up her toys. As far as the vision... Read more »
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Dear universe, your girl stuff is garbage

Dear universe, your girl stuff is garbage
I took the kids to McDonald’s for dinner yesterday. They know I’m not a big fan, so it’s always super exciting when I deign to take them there. “Mom must really love us if she’s willing to buy us Happy Meals.” It’s what advertisers have been hinting at since the era of Mad Men. We... Read more »