It’s a boring week in political/celebrity news. Sure, Kirsten Dunst split from her boyfriend, that guy in the movie with Gwyneth, but THAT’S IT. Lame.
So I think this is a great opportunity to look at the REAL news no one wants you to know about. The conspiracies. The theories. The stuff that is just so crazy it has to be true.
I mean, you already knew that Ted Cruz was and is the Zodiac killer. That’s simply science fact.
But did you also know that his dad probably, maybe, IT’S POSSIBLE had a hand in the execution of John F. Kennedy? It would be irresponsible not to speculate.
While we’re on the topic of dead Kennedys, where was George H.W. Bush on the day President Kennedy was assassinated? This hero with an Angelfire website wants to know. Since Angelfire introduced me to my favorite website of all time, I’m inclined to side with them. Angelfire has never steered me wrong.
Also, it’s a known truth that the Clintons have murdered basically everyone who ever looked at them crosseyed (except Mike Huckabee, hero), ergo is it so off-the-wall to assume they also probably killed JFK, Jr.?
The search “Who has Donald Trump murdered” brings up nothing conclusive except that he believes he’s next on Obama’s kill list after Antonin Scalia. Which, duh-doy. Tell us something we don’t know.
Googling “John Kasich secrets” only brings up posts about he’s just a regular old rightwing extremist pretending to be a moderate, which is actually pretty scandalous, all told.
Oh! And Bernie Sanders has a love child?!? Eh, he just had a kid (whom he acknowledges exists) out of wedlock with a woman to whom he was committed, but not married. Try harder, Bern! Give us something we can use!
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