The title of this week’s Game of Thrones episode comes from the Dornish motto, but it applies to all of our stories tonight. Let’s get to it. Mad Men is on.
Dorne: Jaime and Bronn have joined the Dornish equivalent of a biker gang and have reached the water gardens. They find Myrcella hanging out there with her betrothed, Tristyne Martell, the Dornish prince. Jaime just wants a word with his daughter/niece, but Trystane balks and Bronn knocks him to the ground. Then the Sand Snakes show up and all hell breaks loose. Bronn gets nicked in the arm. Areo Hotah shows up with his ax and lays a sick burn on Jaime. And…yeah. I’m having trouble getting it up for this storyline so far. The Sand Snakes are completely single-minded. They’re hell bent on revenge and…that’s about it. I guess if you want to see some tough-ass ladies with fully developed characters, you need to go see Mad Max.
Why Unbowed, Unbent, Unbroken: It’s their motto. Also, those girls aren’t giving up on whatever their plan is FOR ANYTHING.
Braavos: Arya is still being Mr. Miyagi-ed by Jaqen in the House of Black and White. She’s cleaning dead bodies. I predict that Jaquen’s next face will be that of Nate Fisher and Arya’s been secretly working in the Six Feet Under funeral home all this time. It appears that Jaqen’s other super power, besides face changing, is being a lie detector. He knows that Arya is lying to herself about hating the Hound and about wanting to be no one. She doesn’t want to be no one. She just wants to be someone else.
Why Unbowed, Unbent, Unbroken: Arya is unflinching when it comes to doing all the things Jaqen asks her to do. Also, she didn’t seem freaked out at all in that room of faces.
The Jorah and Tyrion Show: Tyrion brings up the past and also some really good points here. A) He reveals to Jorah that Lord Mormont (Jorah’s dad and the former lord commander of the Night’s Watch) is dead, and that he was killed in a mutiny. This is all news to Jorah, who handles it well. B) He asks Jorah about Dany’s long-term plan. So, she’s going to conquer all these places with her big ass armies and her big ass dragons. Then what? She’s going to take the throne in King’s Landing, a place she’s never been, a place where the name Targaryan is synonymous with a crazy dude who murdered everyone? It doesn’t sound like she’s thought things through.
Jorah and Tyrion run into another roadblock when they encounter a crew of slave traders (Hi, Mr. Eko!). The slavers want to sell Tyrion’s dwarf penis, but they decide to wait on that for now because Tyrion tells them what a bad ass fighter Jorah is/was.
Why Unbowed, Unbent, Unbroken: Jorah is unflappable in all situations. He cannot be flapped. And Tyrion is unwilling to bow his head to Dany until he knows what she’s capable of and how she plans to rule Westeros.
King’s Landing: Granny Olenna is back, and she is not happy that her grandson has been arrested. Lancel and crew are still on the warpath. They’re going after all the sinners in King’s Landing, including Littlefinger, who CANNOT with Lancel’s nonsense. The Head Sparrow holds a small trial for Loras, whose lover reveals that they’d boned lots of times (and that Loras has that Dorne-shaped birthmark — a callback!). Margaery, who claimed that she knew nothing about Loras’s bedroom preferences, is charged with lying after swearing to the gods. She and Loras are taken into custody. Olenna looks displeased. Tommen looks confused. Cersei looks smug.
Why Unbowed, Unbent, Unbroken: Cersei gave these sparrow dudes the power to clean the streets of King’s Landing, but they only truly bow to the Seven.
Winterfell: Yikes. Sansa needs a pal. She has Myranda coming in to bathe her, on Ramsay’s orders. She has Theon/Reek walking her down the aisle. And then there’s her husband, who rapes her on their wedding night, while forcing Theon to watch. She manages to stay stoic throughout, but how long will she be able to keep it together?
Why Unbowed, Unbent, Unbroken: This should be a motto for Sansa going forward. She’s in a shitty situation, but she’s the heir to Winterfell as far as anyone knows (Hi, Bran! Hi, Rickon!). Hopefully she’ll be able to fight off Roose and Ramsay in some way. She showed a lot of toughness in dealing with Myranda, but less agency when in the room alone(ish) with Ramsay. Even though Myranda was trying to scare her, Sansa should take Myranda’s advice and work to keep Ramsay on her side. A placated Ramsay is a Ramsay she can defeat.
Also, on the topic of Winterfell, Littlefinger gave Cersei the rundown of his Winterfell plan — let Roose and Stannis fight each other, then the Lannisters can send in soldiers from the Eyrie to capture Winterfell and Littlefinger can be named warden of the north. Cersei agrees, but she’ll only give him the title if he comes to her with Sansa’s head on a spike. So…I don’t see Littlefinger doing that. As duplicitous and power hungry as he is, I think he does have an actual soft spot for Sansa. He’s not going to want to give Cersei, of all people, what she wants. But…warden of the north would be a pretty big get for him. I’ll have to think about this. What is Littlefinger’s actual plan here. What’s his endgame? What do you think?
- Jorah still has the greyscale.
- The Lord Mormont thing, too, it’s nice to see that word doesn’t always spread quickly around Westeros. Why would it? How would it?
- I loved the shoutout to the Hound this episode. Where are you Sandor Clegane? Are you still alive?
- The line about taking a squires word over that of a member of the royal family — methinks this will come up again.
- I missed Stannis this episode. Did anyone else miss Stannis?
What did you think of the episode?
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