The Walking Dead recap, "Claimed"

The Walking Dead recap, "Claimed"

Save the mullet, save the world.

The zeroes of The Walking Dead have a new task, a new problem to solve and…I’m not sure I’m on board. Call me biased, but I have a hard time believing that anyone sporting a mullet hairstyle possesses the scientific knowhow to end the Zombpocalypse. But I could be wrong. That’s my baggage that I’ve brought to the show. Maybe the mullet dude, whose name is Eugene (like that’s the name of society’s great hope; sorry I’m doing it again), only keeps his hair coiffed that way to go undercover. Maybe it’s his way of going incognito, his Clark Kent glasses.

I suppose the introduction of Eugene and his pals was the biggest revelation in this episode. We met the ringleader, Abraham, last week. He was the burly goateed dude who found Tara and Glenn on the side of the road. He is also played by Michael Cudlitz, who, to me, will always be Miller, the guy who took Brenda Walsh to prom on Beverly Hills, 90210. Forever. That’s just who he is. It’s like how Tyreese will always be Cutty in my heart. And the guy whose name I still don’t know will always be D’Angelo Barksdale.

Abraham likes killing zombies. He really, really likes it. It’s kind of refreshing to see someone taking so much pleasure in his work. Tara thinks it’s kind of weird how much he smiles while he kills former people, but I think Tara’s kind of weird too, mostly because her personality has done a 180 in the space between the two halves of the fourth season and I barely know who she is anymore.

Abraham is on a Time Sensitive mission. He is transporting Eugene the Mullet to Washington, D.C. because Eugene understands the zombie virus and knows how to cure it. Abraham has put all his faith in Eugene, the guy with the mullet. The moron who put several bullet holes in their truck’s gas tank. That guy.

I call shenanigans.

First of all, Washington D.C. Do they really think that the government, that the entire D.C. metro area has escaped the Zombpocalypse? Do they think the government is still functioning? Do they think they’ll get there and find a shiny, spotless laboratory just waiting for them? What will they be able to do in D.C. that they can’t do where they are, assuming they can even get to D.C.?

Secondly, what proof does anyone have that Eugene even knows what the hell he’s talking about? We haven’t seen much of the guy yet, other than his hair and his poor shooting skills, and those are not ringing endorsements for his ability to save the world. What inside knowledge does Abraham have of Eugene’s plan?

I have a prediction. The Eugene thing is all bullshit. He can’t save the world. He never could save the world. He’s probably a gas station attendant from Alabama (sorry, gas station attendants from Alabama). But somehow Abraham got it in his head that Eugene was this amazing scientist (think Chauncey Gardener in Being There). Abraham has every belief that Eugene is the scientist who can end this scourge, and Eugene never said he couldn’t. Because Eugene knows that Abraham is crazy. So he just goes along with it. It give them all a purpose, a reason for living. Even if it’s based on lies, it’s still something. These people have meaning.

But, of course, I haven’t read the graphic novels, so all of this is probably bupkis. But coming up with crackpot theories for The Walking Dead is what gives me meaning in my life.

Anyway, their truck is dead, due to Dr. Eugene, and now everyone is following Glenn around blindly on his quest to find Maggie which I can’t even care anymore. Just hook up with the girl in the shorts, Glenn. Move on. It’s been five minutes.

The other story tonight took us to the lovely country home of Richonne and Carl. Michonne is feeling so content, she’s even done laundry, and put on a comfy white button-down like she’s a PTA mother or something. She and Carl are quickly becoming besties, and Rick is cool with that. He recognizes that Carl has never had any friends, no matter how many times he insists that he knew a guy back in third grade who was allergic to milk. Rick wants Michonne and Carl to spend more time together, so he sends them off into the wilderness to find supplies while he lies around reading and drinking earl grey.

Michonne opens up to Carl about her past. She had a son named Andre. He died during the Zombocalypse. She never told anyone, but it’s not a secret. Even still, Carl will keep this knowledge to himself. It’s in the vault. Then Carl tries to make it all about him and starts yammering on about how he got to name Judith and how much he hates spray cheese.

Meanwhile, back at the ranch, Rick suddenly has company. They’re a bunch of testosterone rich males who like fighting over beds and, well, everything. None of them see Rick no matter how poorly he hides around the house. Two guys fight in a bedroom. Rick kills a dude in the bathroom. Blah blah blah, now Richonne and Carl are back on the road. They see a sign pointing them to a place of sanctuary, but the three of them were all, “Been there, done that,” so they keep walking, and will probably run into Glenn, Abraham, and friends in the next episode or two, because nobody ever gets very far away on this show.

Other Stuff:

  • That family Michonne found in the house was kind of creepy. Were they never zombies? The one girl by the window had had her head bitten (shot? whatever), but everyone else looked kind of perfectly preserved. Bizarre.
  • Also, that painting. Weird things happened in that house. I want The Walking Dead to tell me that story.
  • This episode has made me yearn for spray cheese. Curse you, product placement!
  • Overall, this felt like kind of a filler episode. Not much of note “happened,” but it got Rick and friends back on the road, and it put Glenn in motion to find Maggie. Those things and the new character intros are about the size of it.

What did you think of this quiet little episode (and how weird is it to call and episode “quiet” when it features a gunfight and a bathroom murder?)

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Tags: The Walking Dead

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