Oh, Scandal, welcome back.
When last we saw our friends at Pope and Associates (which kind of barely exists at this point, right?), Sally was killing her husband and Cyrus was covering it up and Olivia was becoming Fitz’s new/old campaign manager and Quinn was killing people with Charlie and Jake was becoming new Command and Harrison was…there.
The show picked right up where we left off, with Sally “The Devil Made Me Do It” Langston announcing her plan to run for president independently while still keeping her job as vice president. Because she is awful and she is also, quite literally, insane. The woman is nuts. When that is finally revealed to the public, it will be glorious. I hope Joe “Rowan Pope” Morton is there to give a speech about it.
They can’t really drag this Sally Langston thing out too long, can they? People are already asking questions. James and David Rosen know for sure that Sally killed Daniel. Things will come out, and come out quickly. And then Sally will be gone and then Shonda Rhimes will need to find a new, more compelling opponent for Fitz in the general election. I’m excited. I usually hate it when casts expand too quickly, but (via Grey’s Anatomy) Shonda and company have shown that they’re masters of integrating new characters into the fabric of the show. Witness Jake Ballard and Daddy Pope. It’s like they’ve always been there.
Anyway, the show. Let’s catch up with our friends, shall we?
Olivia: She’s wearing swingy coats with lots of room and she’s making sure to stand behind people’s heads at all time. They’ve done a good job of covering up Kerry Washington’s pregnancy, to the point that it’s not really all that distracting.
Liv herself is back working for Fitz and they’re up to their old tricks, i.e. making out in the Oval Office. No one even bats an eye at this point, which makes it kind of amazing that Abby really doesn’t seem to know that her boss has been porking the president for years. She seemed genuinely surprised that Leo would even suggest that such a thing might be true. Or maybe she was just surprised that Leo didn’t buy the load of bull Fitz’s people sold the public with the “intern” he “boned” that “one time.”
Pope Daddy: Rowan will not be offering Fitz his daughter’s hand in marriage any time soon. Now that he’s out of a job, he’s been relegated to spending his days sitting outside the Iwo Jima memorial, reading quotes about uncommon valor. Olivia finds him there and tries to be a good daughter, telling him how sorry she is that he lost his job. Rowan ain’t buying it. He’s all, “It’s because of your boyfriend that I’m here. He made a powerful enemy in me. You might want to cut and run before I go full Command on him. It will just be easier in the long run.” If Joe Morton doesn’t win an Emmy for this role, there is no justice and I will co full Command on the Academy of Television Arts and Sciences.
(He’s also working with Sally Langston’s butt boy, Leo, for REASONS that are currently unclear.)
Fitz: He’s still ending arguments with kisses. And he’s drinking. And he’s basically not listening to anything his campaign manager, the women he can’t bear to live without, with whom he’d never win the presidency, says.
Mellie: Mellie is pretty sure she’s the only person taking this campaign thing seriously. Fitz and Liv are playing a constant game of grab ass. Cyrus’s head is off in the clouds. It’s up to Mellie to make shit happen. It’s up to Mellie to invite Liv to a paparazzo-heavy lunch to make it seem like the two of them are besties. It’s up to Mellie to compile a list of eligible bachelors in the DC Metro area that Liv can pretend to date.
Also, Fitz’s new running mate, his old running mate as governor of California, is desperately in love with Mellie. Get some, kids!
Jake: He’s Command. And now he’s “dating” Olivia for the cameras. There’s no way this ends well for anyone.
Abby: She’s now the face of Pope and Associates and she’s debating Sally’s Leo on TV. I sense sparks. Watch out, David Rosen.
Quinn: Quinn wants to MURDER. And lure children into cars with the promise of ice cream.
Harrison: I don’t care yet about this Adnan Whatever Dubai subplot. But if it means more Harrison — not to mention more SHIRTLESS Harrison — I can be persuaded to pay attention.
Huck: Huck is the new Harrison. Literally all he did tonight was look up on the computer whether or not Daniel Langston had an autopsy. He did not. Thanks, Huck! This is why they pay you the big bucks.
Prediction: Fitz will die, either this season or next. He kind of has to, doesn’t he? And won’t the show be better for it?
What did you think of the second-half-of-the-season premiere of Scandal?
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