Sunday night’s The Walking Dead episode was the penultimate episode of the first half of Season 3. AMC confuses me. My new rule of thumb is if there are more than two months between season halves, the shows don’t belong to the same season. Sorry, Breaking Bad. If I have to watch an old episode or two before the season starts to get my bearings, you’ve got yourself a new season going.
So there’s that.
The episode starts with Glenn tied up in the Governor’s dungeon. Only he doesn’t know it’s the Governor’s dungeon. He thinks it’s Merle’s hidey hole. Merle questions Glenn about Daryl and the others and he takes a massive dump all over T-Dog’s good name, and Glenn can’t be having that. No one gets away with disparaging St. T-Dog. So Glenn lies and says that Rick has an entire army of living, breathing folks behind him, including “Sure Shot” Shane and “Dr. Dale” Dale and “Stunner” Sophia and “Awesome” Andrea…whoops.
Merle knows then that Glenn is lying, because Andrea is diddling the Governor. By this point, as far as he knows, Rick’s group consists of just Rick and a couple of butter knives. So the two men fight, and Merle beats the bloody snot out of poor, wittle Gwenn. And then he tries to scare Glenn with a zombie, but Glenn just goes full BAMF and beats the guts out of that sucker.
In the meantime, the Governor decides to take matters into his own hands, and by his “hands,” I mean his “penis.” He waltzes his charismatic self into Maggie’s holding cell and scares Maggie into taking off her shirt. He almost forces her to do other things, but then decides that humiliation is enough and besides he’s faithful to Andrea (hahahaha).
He eventually brings topless Maggie in to see Glenn and she caves under the pressure (of course she caves, and not Glenn. That’s The Walking Dead feminism for you. Ladies be cavin’) and tells the Governor where he can find our zeros. The Governor is all like, “That place was overrun by zombies. One bumbling sheriff and his band of merry misfits couldn’t have taken the prison, could they have?” He underestimates the zeros, like so many have before him.
Meanwhile, our zeros are hooking up with Michonne. No, not like that. Not yet. Though I predict a Rick/Michonne pairing by the end of Season 5. Michonne shows up and they show her the proper level of disdain, despite the fact that she showed up carrying a Red Riding Hood basket full of baby formula. Jerks. They throw her in a cell and leave her there alone while they all have cake and pie in celebration of Lo-Rent JLC’s return to the fold. (Sidebar: I think her hair grew more in those few days she was alone than over the course of the entire series.)
But eventually they decide to listen to Michonne and take off to find Glenn, Maggie, Merle, and the Governor. They’ve got their best guys on the case (Daryl, Rick, Not T-Dog, and Spin Doctor), and leave One-Legged Hershel and Kid Carl in charge of manning the prison. Showdown: Next week.
- Andrea got to spend some quality time with Scientist Guy, AKA Milton, and is it surprising that I’m now shipping their relationship? No, it is not because I ship all relationships. I’m a shipping shipper.
- Milton, somehow, after all these years of living in the midst of a Zombpocalypse, has never seen a human turn into a zombie. But Andrea is an expert, so.
- That Mr. Coleman was the slowest turner of all time. There’s really no rhyme or reason to zombie turning, is what I’ve decided. It’s whatever the writers feel they need in the moment. Sometimes you want a quick scare, so they turn fast. Sometimes you want to make sure Milton can strap the guy down before everyone gets bit, so they turn slowly. It’s not an exact science.
- The baby’s name is Judith now apparently, which, little known fact, is actually T-Dog’s Christian name.
What did you think of the episode? Are you looking forward to next week’s battle at Woodbury? Do you think some of the Governor’s men will sneak off to the prison and murder all the women and children and Hershels? What will be the final shot of the final episode of the first half of Season 3?