I have to start the recap with the most important bit of information: The most amazing thing that happened on The Walking Dead last night — T-Dog got the honor making the first kill. You read that right. T-Dog. And though he was relegated to the background for most of the rest of the episode, he had that one moment of glory. So if you had “T-Dog in the forehead with a fireplace poker” in your First Zombie Kill Clue game, you are a winner.
This episode kicks off a few months after we last saw our zeros hanging out in a glen between a road and a prison. How many months? Well, judging from Lori’s pregnancy belly…who the frug knows?!? That belly is ridiculous. It’s otherworldly and you just know she’s gestating a walker baby all up in there. Because what’s the alternative? She has a REGULAR baby? C’mon. That’s crazy talk.
You’re probably wondering what has changed since last season. And the answer is: Almost zero things. The biggest new thing is that Carl is a BAMF and a playa. You read that right. Carl is now a zombie shooting, dog food eating stud who almost finagled his way into sharing a bunk with Herschel’s younger daughter, Beth. That girl has to be at least 25. And Carl’s about seven. So good on ya, Carl.
The other thing that has changed is that Low Rent Jamie-Lee Curtis’s hair has grown almost a quarter inch over the 5, 6, 7 months that they’ve been roaming around the South. Does the zombie virus make your hair grow more slowly? Are they stopping in at zombie barbershops every six weeks, as recommended, for a trim?
Because literally nothing else has changed. Apparently, all we missed was our band of personality cyphers wandering around, breaking into houses, murdering owls for food, and alternately killing and running from zombies. Glenn and Maggie are still together. Rick and Lori are still fighting and haven’t yet discussed their problems. Daryl and Lo-Rent JLC still haven’t consummated their relationship despite an OBVIOUS burning chemistry.
And Rick is still the Jack Shephard of the zombocalypse, running head first into danger, making decisions, and never ever sleeping because he needs to be the protector.
And like his Lost counterpart, Rick has found his buddies some shelter, one with the potential for food and ammo and first aid supplies, i.e. the prison. He cut the fence and everybody banded together in shooting all the walkers in the prison yard. Even Lo-Rent JLC got in on it, though she did almost shoot Rick. How hilarious/awesome would it have been if that’s how our dear Rick went out, friendly fire from the lamest lady on the show? I would’ve given The Walking Dead writers major points for their cojones.
But alas, all of our zeroes made it inside the prison gates safely, singing songs and making awkward passes at each other. And they got inside the building relatively unscathed as well. The problems started when they started moving out of Cell Block Z. That’s when they met some walkers. That’s when Herschel (the new Dale, as if we needed a new Dale) got himself bit in the heel. That’s when Rick — who is not a doctor like Jack Shephard, mind you — cut off the bottom half of Herschel’s leg as a bunch of REAL LIVE PEOPLE watched from the wings.
Real, live people, y’all.
Bits and Pieces
- Despite my snark, I actually really enjoyed this episode, probably more than I’ve enjoyed a Walking Dead episode since I can remember. I thought the scene where they were snooping around the prison basement was very suspenseful, and there were more good, big kills than we’d seen in a while. And, what was that, character development? Did I imagine it?
- The show started with the camera swirling around a zombie eye, thus drawing more Lost comparisons.
- Rick is not above eating an owl, but he draws the line at canned dog food. Snob.
- Daryl likes to go hunting while everyone else is washing their panties.
- Why are Daryl and Lo-Rent JLC so afraid of their love?
- I forgot to mention Andrea and her new friend, nameless lady with braids and a sword (how in the hell did she manage to score a sword?). Apparently they’ve spent the last several months running around town being badasses. And now Andrea is sick and thinks she might die. Don’t die, Andrea! I’m no longer annoyed with you as much as I have been previously!
- Also, Andrea and her new friend have, get this, PET ZOMBIES. This idea is so stinking genius I’m not at all surprised Rick didn’t think of it first. They have two (twin?) zombies with no arms whom they keep on leashes and drag around town to mask their living human smell. Brilliant stuff, this.
- Lori hasn’t felt the baby move for a while, so now she thinks it’s a dead thing lying in wait in her uterus. She had a check up with Doctor New Dale, but we haven’t yet heard the results of the exam. (Spoiler: It’s a zombie)
- I loved when Rick left Carl behind in case all the guys died and they needed Carl to “be the man.” I took this to mean, Carl would have to repopulate the Earth. With his mother, Lo-Rent JLC, and Beth. The Earth is screwed.
What did you think? Was this a good start to the new season of The Walking Dead? How can the writers frak it up from here? Or will Season 3 shape up to be the BEST SEASON? Also #FreeTDog.