I’m feeling kind of smug about going all negative on The Walking Dead earlier this season. Because while some people are just now seeing the show for all of its problems, I’m sitting over here on my high horse of low expectations (who is NOT afraid of snakes, by the way) kind of enjoying the mediocre run up to the end of the first half of the second season.
So let’s talk about some things:
The Walking Dead has a bit of a woman problem: Are there any female writers on this staff? Seriously. These ladies are all kinds of pathetic. You’ve got Mean Mommy Lori and Sad Sack Low Rent Jamie Lee Curtis (whose hair never grows. How is it the same length now that it was when this whole Zombpocalypse started? Also, shouldn’t someone with hair that short be just a little bit badass? Just a tiny bit even?). And you’ve got the vet’s daughter, who seems like she might almost be a little more well-rounded than the other ladies, even though she’s still looking for personal validation through men (i.e. Glenn and her father). Then you’ve got Sophia, who’s missing and the only person who cares is Rick, and the anonymous group of nurses over at the vet’s house. And Andrea. Andrea’s just the worst. You just know she’s always constantly on her period, right, Glenn? Because she’s always so moody and suicidal and shooting Daryl in the ear. Wimmins. (Are Andreas on TV shows ever likable? I can only think of this Andrea and AHN-drea Zuckerman, who was the worst 90210-er after Hilary Swank of course.)
The gals spent almost the entire episode (when they weren’t hissing at Glenn or shooting people from atop the RV) in the kitchen cooking for the menfolk. And then they cleaned up the kitchen after dinner! That is just unacceptable. If the women be cooking, then the men be cleaning. It’s only right.
Now, don’t go arguing with me that the men shouldn’t have to clean because they were out in the woods “looking” for “Sophia.” There’s no Sophia. They found her zombie corpse days ago, and they’re only pretending she’s still out there so they can get out of household chores.
The Chupacabra: Merle showed up in Daryl’s woodland hallucination and the whole thing put me to sleep. Quite literally. I slept every time Merle talked. But. The non-Merle stuff in the woods was pretty cool: Daryl sliding down the waterfall, Daryl almost getting bitten by a zombie and then killing that zombie and another zombie, and Daryl fashioning a necklace from the dead zombies’ ears. Good stuff. And he found “Sophia’s” “doll.” Keep the ruse going, Daryl. Keep it going.
Now, Daryl is not the best character ever on TV, but he is the best character on this show, and it would’ve been a shame if Andrea had killed him. For all intents and purposes, he’s the Sawyer without the personality. In fact, all of these people are LOST characters without the personality.
If you will…
- Rick = Jack
- Lori = Kate
- Glen = Hurley
- Dale = Rose
- Low Rent JLC = Sun, but Sun at face value, without the underlying badassery
- Shane = Locke with a little Sayid mixed in
- Otis = Totally Boone. (Hot. Goes on an ill-fated quest with “Locke.”)
- T-Dawg = Michael (Often left out of the action. Has dreams of fleeing the group.)
- Carl = Walt
- Dr. Hershel = Ben Linus
- Sophia = Vincent
- Andrea = Both Nikki and Paulo simultaneously forever
Other things from this episode of The Walking Dead:
- Oh, yeah. The end. I should probably mention that. So, Glenn wanted to score some more “alone time” with the vet’s “daughter,” and she eventually caved (as women do) and told him to pick a place for their rendezvous. Why she didn’t pick the place, seeing as there were secret zombie hideaways on the premises that she didn’t want Glenn to know about, I cannot speak to. But whatever. No one on this show ever acts as a rational person would. So let’s go with it. Glenn picked the barn and apparently it took Maggie a full six hours to decipher his note which read “Ever done it in a hayloft?” Because instead of cornering him after dinner and being like, “Dude, have you ever done it in an outhouse or something?” she waited to find him until he was already in the barn with the contraband zombies. Why does Dr. Hershel have zombies in his barn? I don’t know. He’s a vet. Maybe he’s keeping them as pets.
- Daryl and Low Rent JLC are totally going to get it on. Hope Glenn can spare a rubber or two.
- T-Dog was completely marginalized this episode. His only line was to point out that Daryl had found Sophia’s doll.
- Shane was a huge player in high school, but you knew that already. He was a boning prodigy, much like Mozart was in his day.
- A lot of weapons only grazed Daryl’s body in this episode. Andrea’s gunshot grazed his head, and his arrow got caught in his love handle. If Daryl had been more focused on his physique, he’d be dead right now. Or the arrow would’ve totally missed him.
So, what did you think of this episode? Who did I miss in the LOSTcomparisons?