True Blood is still trying to make us care about characters and plot lines we’ll never care about. I guess that’s our punishment for wanting to hang around just long enough to get a glimpse of Alcide’s pectorals. Here’s what you saw last night:
- Sookie and Eric lying under trees, b-o-n-k-i-n-g: And Alcide saw them. And Debbie. And Debbie thought she saw a hint of jealousy in her lupine boyfriend’s eyes. And she no likey. So she’s probably going to start hitting the V again. No doubt with Sheriff Andy. Hott.
- Jason is still hung up on Jess. But he loves Hoyt like a brother. But Jess. But oh, well. Maybe the light will kill her and Hoyt and Jason can finally realize that they were meant for each other.
- Antonia the Medieval Witch finally officially inhabited Mrs. Dursley’s body. How ironic that witch-hating Mrs. Dursley is now embodying witches. Don’t you think?
- And this freaks Bill out because he knows Antonia the necromancer just wants to call all the vamps out into the light. For retribution against the vampire priests who raped and killed her back in the day. Gotta say, I’m kind of seeing where she’s coming from on this one. Her hate of vampires = warranted. Tara’s? Shut up, Tara.
- One of Antonia’s priest friends is now one of Bill’s helper vamps. And Antonia used him to murder the Wiccan traitor Bill was boffing.
- Oh, and in case you were wondering, Sookie and Eric are still going at it. Still.
- Pam’s chemical peels and shots? Just another day for a Hollywood actress. Suck it up, Pamela.
- Lafayette’s a medium. Just like Mrs. Dursley.
- And probably so is Arlene’s little boy. Maybe he’s a necromancer.
- Sam kicked Tommy out of the house for schtupping his lady friend, and you still don’t care.
- Question: How do the witches (and Tara, who, like, just decided she was cool with witches five minutes ago) know exactly what to chant when in their circle?
- All the vampires in town silvered themselves so that they wouldn’t be able to succumb to the will of the necromancer. I’m not sure of the science behind this, but Bill totally gets it, so don’t worry.
- Sookie kept Eric safe, guards kept Bill safe, her Fangtasia hussy kept Pam safe, but Jess? She escaped from her cell and walked out into the light. But Jason was there waiting to save her, so? She’s totally fine. Book it.
- Also, the new witches were so OK with Mrs. Dursley just levitating in the middle of their circle, like, “It ain’t no thang.” I guess they’ve seen so much. Tara has seen so much. And why she didn’t just ride off into the sunset with her perfectly lovely girlfriend, I don’t know. Maybe she and Tommy can hook up and then leave town with Arlene and Mikey. Terry can stay.
- I hate to say it, but I’m really starting to get annoyed with moony, sweet Eric. He’s becoming too much like the sparklevamp from Twilight. And that is not a good thing.
What did you think? Are you ready for badass Eric to return? I am.