Recap of 'True Blood': I Hate You, I Love You

Recap of 'True Blood': I Hate You, I Love You

Last night’s episode was all about easy fixes to problems that have been plaguing the residents of Bon Temps for some time.  Here were the problems and how they were resolved:

Problem #1: Getting Rid of Tara

Tara had been threatening to leave Bon Temps and move back to New Orleans for weeks now.  Pretty much ever since she set foot back in the parish.  Yet she continued to stick around through the witches and the vampires and Lafayette’s new Jheri curl.  Even though nobody wanted her there.

Quick Fix?:  Just show her Eric.  Tara had no idea that Sookie was harboring the “psycho murdering asshole” behind her new wardrobe; but once Eric revealed himself, Tara was Outie 2000 and making tracks toward New Orleans and her new girlfriend (who’s just going to kick Tara out when she gets home due to all the lies).  Who knew it was that easy getting rid of Tara.  True Blood should’ve done this years ago.

Problem #2: Getting Rid of Tommy’s Parents

Joe Lee and his wife, whatever her name is I don’t care, were holding Tommy hostage and threatening to make him dog fight again.  They had him wrapped in chains, which for some reason Tommy couldn’t escape by changing into a flying ant or something.  I don’t get how being a shifter works, I suppose.

Quick Fix?: Tommy used the chains to strangle Joe Lee and then he hit his old man repeatedly in the head with a lead pipe in the conservatory.  I think Mrs. Peacock was involved somehow.  And then he killed his mommy, too.  Whoops.  Whatever.  That’s one way to murder a dead story line.

Problem #3: Arlene,Terry, and Their Psycho Baby

The kid is freaky (or maybe it’s just the voodoo doll that Jessica gave them), and Terry and Arlene brought in Tara’s crazy mom and her new reverend husband to scare away all the evil spirits in the house.  The scene was comical enough, what with Arlene calling the preacher and his wife, “you people,” but in the grand scheme of things, no one cares about Rene’s devil baby.

Quick Fix?: I’m sure it’s not really the end of things, but wouldn’t it be kind of a relief if Arlene, Terry, and their whole family just *POOF* burned up in a raging fire?

Problem #4: Bill and Portia and the Incest

Bill doesn’t want to have sex with his great great great great granddaughter anymore, but Portia is still warm for Bill’s form.  So what to do?

Quick Fix?: He just glamors her into being scared of him.  But somehow I think the fear is only going to make her more attracted to him in the long run.  Girl has some serious granddaddy issues.

Problem #5: Sookie wants to know who put the spell on Eric.

New Eric’s been living in her house for days, but she just now realized that maybe she should be on the lookout for who did this to him.  (Maybe she’s just enjoying New Eric?  I know I am.)

Quick Fix?: Using her fairy brain listening powers.  I don’t know why she doesn’t do that more often.  By listening in on Holly the waitress’s thoughts, Sookie learned that Marnie was the spell caster.  And by listening in on Marnie, she learned that schtupping Eric is probably a bad idea in the long run and that Marnie is dangerous.

Other Notes:

  • Great line from Laffy (to Marnie, who is a conduit for an ancient witch): “That’s some catchy shit for your headstone.”
  • Eric, who for some reason was sleeping during the nighttime while Sookie was also sleeping, had a bad dream and needed to cuddle with Sookie in her bed.  Doesn’t he have things to do during the night?  Why is he sleeping?
  • Jess and Hoyt and Jason (or some combination of the three) are so going to bone.
  • As sad as it is to see Pam with a decaying face, I love her black veil getup.
  • Jason is about to get back into the religious stuff, if the full moon doesn’t turn him into a werepanther.
  • Jesus’s grandpa is a warlock who’s even more powerful than Dumbledore.  And he’s into very young women.  Unlike Dumbledore.
  • Alcide has angered the werewolf pack leader in his suburban subdivision.
  • Gators love marshmallows.
  • Bill is going to be angry when he walks in on Sookie and Eric smooching.

What did you think of True Blood last night?  Who on Fox News do you believe is a vampire?

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