I chose family in 2015

I chose family in 2015
I chose family

I chose family in 2015

In 2015, I had to make a choice about how to work my job, if I wanted to work somewhere for the summer, if I wanted to move, if I wanted to re-join Weight Watchers, if we should test to see if our daughter had out grown her heart condition, and many other.  Out of the million different choices I had to make, I chose family.

I was dealing with insecurities and doubt in the beginning of the year because I wasn’t being honest with my boyfriend nor was he being honest with me.  We were fighting often about small things and big things.

I also believe I was suffering from postpartum depression.  I cried often and yelled at everyone.  My mental health issues were spilling into my job performance too.  I wanted to chose family but I felt they would be better off without me in it.  That was the depression speaking.

My boyfriend and I decided to give our relationship a break until we sorted through some things.  I remember hating everything about him and wishing nothing but ill will towards him.  I would vent to friends about what was going on.  I lost a lot of friends because I told them too much.

inner happiness

inner happiness

I needed to find myself and discover what I really wanted in life again.  We had this beautiful daughter that was a true blessing.  If I hadn’t lost the 100 lbs, I wouldn’t have gotten pregnant.  That was the common tie that brought us together.

During our separation, I worked on getting back to things I enjoyed that I didn’t get a chance to do.  That was scrap booking and writing down my thoughts.  A friend of mine told me about an app called Happified.  This app helped with positive thought process I so needed during that dark time.

After a 3 month separation, I chose family because we started to work on the things that bothered each other and being honest.  I stopped being insecure about our relationship.  He improved with communication.  I did have some valid things to be insecure about but I decided to take a leap of faith and trust.

When your angry and hate, you lose sight of what is really important.  My own self-happiness is important. I found inner happiness and that spilled out around me.  Things started to work in my favor.   I’m happy that I chose family.

We are far from being perfect and have a lot to learn from each other.  I overcame my hate by seeing the things we do for each other and how our kids benefit from it.  We overcame adversity in our pasts and this was a bump in the road.

I also don’t expect him to make me happy because I can find happiness in myself.  He enhances my happiness and us together as a family builds each other up.  I deserve to be happy and happiness can find me when I allow positive thoughts to flood my mind. family2015

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Filed under: mental health

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