Pizza Hut will be unveiling its latest creation Wednesday – the Crazy Cheesy Crust pizza. It looks like a flower gone terribly wrong after a cheese-infused accident. Instead of the regular crust – you know, the stuff that people have shown over and over again that they like by still buying pizza – each slice will have two cheese pockets attached to its back end. (Yes, I am imagining a pair of jeans with cheese pockets in the back. And so are you now. It’s kind of awesome, isn’t it?)
In its article on the new creation, Yahoo! talked to Chef Wiley Bates III, who also recently won The Best Evil Name category at the Awards That Should Exist extravaganza that happened in my mind a few days ago. This is what he had to say in the article:
“You notice how the dough actually nestles around. The hand-tossed [crust] lends itself to absorbing some of those wonderful flavors, while again maintaining the integrity of the cheese. … Consumers always want more cheese.”
To which I must respond, “Please Mr. Wiley Bates III, don’t take my family’s farm!”
Whether this will be a good idea or not remains to be seen. But it seems like it might very well join some of its predecessors as a pizza innovation that NEVER should have happened. In case you don’t remember them, I’ve decided to list the 5 worst pizza chain innovations in history below:
1. Pizza Hut’s Hot Dog Stuffed Crust pizza: This might sound like an April Fools’ Day joke played a day late, but this item actually existed – albeit in the United Kingdom. Yes, it looks disgusting.
2. Domino’s Bread Bowl pizza: Mass-produced pasta stuffed inside the largest carbohydrate found on Earth. How did this not work?
3. Chili’s pizza: Whether it’s tasty or not doesn’t matter. Chili’s shouldn’t make pizza. Case closed.
4. Pizza Hut’s P’Zones: I love a good calzone. These were not calzones. These were calzone abominations. Fail.
5. Dessert pizza: I’m morally opposed to dessert pizza. Chocolate cake is for dessert. Apple pie is for dessert. Let pizza be pizza and dessert be dessert.
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