It started innocently enough.
A co-worker told me I needed to stop by another co-worker’s cubicle and try the potato chips he had. Sure, I thought. I don’t really eat potato chips, but one wasn’t going to hurt me.
So, I wandered toward the co-worker’s cubicle to discover what potato chippy wonders were waiting for me. What I saw still haunts me to this very moment – maybe 30 minutes or so later while on my lunch break.
Chicken and waffles. In potato chip form.
Oh, the starchanity!
It turns out Lay’s is doing a special promotion in which people from all over America were allowed to submit potential flavors to Lay’s so that the company could turn them into potato chip form. So, of course, America chose Chicken & Waffles, Sriracha and Cheesy Garlic Bread because what says potato chip like random stuff people claim they like on Pinterest. And now, Facebook users are deciding which one will stay on shelves. This can only end in disaster.
My co-worker had a bag of the Chicken & Waffles and Sriracha chips (Cheesy Garlic Bread was sold out; we might have a winner!), and he was having a contest to see which ones people prefer.
Being a hard-working American who likes free food and is capable of deciding between Chicken & Waffles and Sriracha chips, I sampled a chip from each bag.
I don’t like Sriracha, so that was no go from the start. I would describe it as a somewhat moderately spicy chip. Bleh.
Then came Chicken & Waffle. I’ve always wanted to try actual chicken and waffles, but just haven’t gotten around to it yet. It seemed wrong to taste the chip before having done so – like have a banana-flavored Runt before ever trying an actual banana. But I was already committed to the chip having tried the Sriracha.
I could taste the syrup! It was like eating a syrupy potato chip twinged with a hint of chicken. And, what’s worse, it wasn’t terrible!
I politely thanked my co-worker for allowing me to participate in the contest, marked down my vote for Chicken & Waffles and ran back to my cubicle without a look back. I had just tasted an abomination. A wonderfully wrong and somehow tasty abomination. It goes against all the laws of potato chip nature and still works. I won’t try another. Some things were meant to be left in the culinary Department of Mysteries.
As for the Cheesy Garlic Bread chips, I plan on keeping my distance from those, as well. It’s better I don’t taste them. Some things we are better off not knowing.
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