I’ve drafted a post on this topic at least twice this year, but never finished it out of concern that I’d ruffle too many feathers. I’ve mentioned before that I strongly dislike the terms “baby mama” and “baby daddy.” I actually cringe whenever someone feels the need to refer to me as such, especially since I’m actually with the father of my child.
A few days ago, a good friend/mentee/PR colleague of mine wrote an article titled “The Petty Baby Mama Complex” on JetMag.com. While I don’t agree that Ciara should be labeled as such, I agree that this mentality has to go away… for good.
Many women who refer to themselves as baby mamas, or are referred to as such display similar qualities. They are typically vindictive, controlling, jealous and overall bitter human beings. These are the women who use their children as pawns to control the father. The ones who torment and pick fights with the new woman in his life, and often makes his life a living hell.
They may not be bad moms overall, but the hate or resentment they have for the father of their children tends to take precedence over the love and respect they should display for their children. It’s as if the tension is so toxic that they simply don’t know how to act. This behavior has been known to push men away from their children, willingly or unwillingly.
So yes, “Petty” baby mamas need to wipe themselves off of the face of the earth, and they should take the term with them. The same can be said for baby daddy’s of course, but that’s a completely different post.
I’m not writing this to knock women who embrace the term, but I’m totally knocking the mentality that is often connected to it. It’s like these women really believe that the men belong to them because they share a child. I get that it must be hard to be permanently connected to someone who you can’t have or no longer want be attached to, but that’s the risk you take when having a child.
I found an article written by a wife who sounds fed up of her husband’s baby mama and her childish antics. Her article “I Hate My Husband’s Baby Moma” was filled with comments from women who feel the same way. There was also a comment on the flip side from the “baby mama” for lack of better words, saying how hard it is to be “just the mother of a man’s child” when he’s married to someone else. I can’t challenge her feelings and don’t envy her position, but accepting another person’s child is a challenge in itself. I won’t get into the child’s mom vs. the step/bonus mom convo this time, but there’s never an excuse to act like a baby mama, petty or not!