The Un-Moms Club: Being an unmarried, unsingle mommy

I tend to not get too personal on my blog, but this post has been on my mind for quite a while now.  I figure there has to be some women out her who can relate to me. You see, I’m a part of a group of moms that I’m dubbing, the “Un-Moms.” We are obviously moms, but we are different from the two main categories of mothers in the world. One group would be the single moms, who for all of their hard work and struggles, are often celebrated and praised for getting the job done alone, or without the help of a second parent in the household. These moms are truly phenomenal for everything they do on a daily basis and the world is sure to let them know it. Now on the downside, I know that single moms are always blamed for problems in society that have nothing to do with them. Crime rates, violence and all things bad are often linked to single motherhood, but most of the single moms I know, have raised children just as well, if not better than married moms.

Speaking of married moms, they are the second group of moms who fall into the two main categories mentioned above. Married moms are often considered as the ones who “got it right” or are living “right” in the eyes of  the world. These ladies understood their worth and were smart enough to get a ring and walk down the aisle before making the ultimate commitment of motherhood. I praise them as well, because I love to see people keeping the traditional structure of family alive. Although, I don’t believe you absolutely have to be married to do that.

Society has always had a lot to say about unwed mothers, we were all kind of grouped in the single moms category at one point. Now people may be understanding that the unmarried mom is not necessarily a single mom. I personally know many other women who are in similar situations as I am. I’ve been with the father of my child for nearly five years, we’ve always had a pretty stable relationship, but we just didn’t rush to get married when we found out Go-2-baby was coming.  To be honest, I’m a little more eager these days, but still not completely in a rush. As Un-Moms, we are often categorized somewhere between being lucky that the man didn’t leave us after having a baby out of wedlock, and playing house with a man who is unwilling to commit.

We (or maybe it’s just me) often have to answer questions from family members and friends (who all mean well) regarding when we’re going to get married. After all, we already have a child together, right? For them, it’s just that simple, but for us, it’s not always as easy as jumping a broom and saying I do. I must be honest, at times I feel a strange when asked why we aren’t married, mainly because I don’t have a true answer. I can tell you why I think we’re not married, I can say well we want to have the money to do it the way we want, but to be perfectly honest, there is no real answer.

I’m not sure if any other woman puts as much thought into this as I do, but I know it often crosses my mind. We are raising our child in a loving and stable, two-parent home, and of course that should be all that matters, right? Obviously, from a biblical perspective, I know there are issues with this way of living, but we’re all human. Regardless, I know that being a mother is one of the best decisions I ever made, and I wouldn’t take it back under any circumstances. I love my child, I love her father, and I love our family, unmarried and all. A ring and a license won’t make us more of a family, yet and still, it’s something I want. I won’t sit here and act as though I have objections to marriage, sure both of my parents have been married more than once, one of them three times. Even knowing that, marriage is on my radar and in my plans for the future, but until then, I will remain a proud member of the UN-Moms club.


Leave a comment