Today US Ambassador to North Korea and recurring Celebrity Apprentice contestant, Dennis Rodman, announced that he will be heading up the development of a cutting edge condominium project at the former site of the Chicago Spire. The 27 story masterpiece was inspired by Rodman’s close working relationship with Donald Trump and his recent meetings with North Korea’s brilliant and heroic leader, Kim Jong Un, who was looking to provide vacation homes for North Korea’s numerous billionaires who have benefited from North Korea’s economic miracle. The project is being financed by the Al Qaeda suicide bomber pension plan, which is awash in excess funds.
The building, pictured below, is designed to have more penthouses than any other structure ever built and will have all the modern amenities except Internet access. In addition, boiled pumpkins will be a featured item at the front desk.
Asked why Kim Jong Un picked Dennis Rodman to head up this ambitious project, the Democratic People’s Republic of Korea responded that “Dennis Rodman is a paragon of sophistication and good taste so we knew that any project associated with him would benefit from his halo effect.”
According to Rodman:
When I first met this Kim Jong dude I was a little disappointed. They told me I was meeting with Lil Kim but I should have known she wouldn’t be hanging in North Korea. But after a few drinks Jong (that’s what his friend calls him) and I talked about developing a project for those who can live however and wherever they choose. So we broke out the Lego blocks and went to work on a few condo concepts. This real estate development thing isn’t as complicated as Mr. Trump would have you think.
We wanted a cool Euro look so we talked about getting that M.C. Escher guy (no relation to MC Hammer I found out) to do the architecture work on this project but then we looked him up and found out he died like 30 years ago. So we looked around for another European designer and found this Filip Dujardin’s work and thought it would be great to work with him. We haven’t really talked to him yet but we went ahead and bought the land and started construction anyway.
Ever since that Spire project fizzled I knew that Chicago needed another project of that stature to put it on the map. That’s why we are building our development in the same place.
When asked about marketing plans for the project Dennis Rodman responded that:
We’ve already set up one of those Twitter accounts and everything. We’re going to approach &Realty about handling the sales center since they have the best looking agents and they’re #1 in Chicago so they have a lot of buyers. They have expertise and market knowledge, their customers are their top priority, and they get your lifestyle. Their goal is to keep their buyers informed on the trends in the marketplace using the latest statistics in your local area. No other real estate brokerage can claim all that.
I asked Rodman specifically about the need for hiring a brokerage with a lot of buyers: “Is that really necessary? After all won’t they show your development to their buyers whether or not they are marketing the property?” His response was that he was really too busy right now to be thinking about complicated matters like that because he had a construction crew waiting for his direction about how to fit a square building in a round hole.