You Sunk My Film Industry: Battleship, Spider-Man, and Ghostbusters 3

Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance comes out this weekend.  I can think of one person excited: my dad.  He’s never read the comics.  He loved the first Ghost Rider film.  It had everything he looks for in a positive movie experience: motorcycles and fire.   SoV will have ample motorcycles and fire, so my father will be a part of the whopping 12% that approve of this film.  I’m happy for him.  I wish I could be so easily satisfied. Unfortunately, the current state of geek movie releases has Geek Girl Chicago fretting.

 How much is too much?  

Does every Avenger (except Black Widow, apparently) need a movie?  Did Star Wars: Episode I need that 3-D re-release?*   Who is John Carter, and does it make me a bad geek that I hadn’t heard about his movie ’til yesterday??

…Sorry.  Anxiety.  Today, I will highlight 3 upcoming geek flicks- er, 2 upcoming and 1 “maybe”-  that have my head spinning.

1.  The Amazing Spider-Man

The Amazing Spider-Poster

One GGC reader, Jill, believes that The Amazing Spider-Man is being made solely to keep intellectual property rights away from Disney.  …Jill is also a law student, so there’s that.  Another local geek, Jennie, disliked the trailer, exclaiming that “the whole plot was shown” so “what exactly are we paying for?”  I was irritated by the remark, at first.  A Spider-Man movie is about Spider-Man, DUH.  I don’t go to a book or comic-based movie looking for new content.  The more I think, though, the more I wonder.  If I know the origin tale of Peter Parker, how many times do I need to hear it?  The Amazing Spider-Man is using the tagline “The Untold Story”.  What do they mean?  Peter’s father?  Gwen Stacy [SPOILERS REDACTED]?  I’ve heard those before… because I’m a fan.

If this movie isn’t for die-hards, then, my retort is this: the CG looks nearly-identical to that in Spider-Man 3.  Yes, the lighting and textures have marginally improved, but the hero is swinging, posing, and, uh, “webbing,” in the same way.  Andrew Garfield’s admittedly-cute hair just isn’t enough.  It’s too soon for Spidey.

2. Ghostbusters 3

It would look something like this, times 4.

This amazing franchise brought us the Stay-Puft Marshmallow Man, Hi-C Ecto Cooler, 2 vastly different cartoons, and my future husband, Egon.  Waiting for word on Ghostbusters 3 has been torture- sometimes sweet (in-character posts on Facebook, Twitters for Spengler and Venkman), sometimes bitter (false accusations of Bill Murray throwing the script into a shredder).  In the last week, the most bitter story of all:  Aykroyd told Empire Magazine that the role of Peter Venkman could be recast.  Argh!!

I appreciate that all parties want a perfect script- something to make a reboot truly worth doing.  However, the script isn’t “perfect” if an original Ghostbuster wants no part of it.  I love the Ghostbusters deeply, but I’m OK leaving it the way it is if the alternative is crap.**

3. Battleship

You sunk my film industry!!

What?  WHAT?!  How did they get Liam Neeson to-  …whatever.  This exists.  They’re making a movie based on a board game from the 60s.  I don’t remember Battleship having a story outside of  “blow stuff up.”  I can’t wrap my mind around these trailers.  After seeing one, Geek Guy Clayton was quick to remind me that a dude can’t go “from enlisted to an officer” in the Navy; it “doesn’t work that way.”  That’s the least of my concerns, gentle reader.  The Super Bowl spot showed spiraling spheres tearing up cars and skyscrapers.   It doesn’t add up.

…Wait.  WAIT.  I get it.  The Battleship movie isn’t just about Battleship.  It’s about when I’d play Battleship with my friends, get mad, and knock over their nearby LEGO towers, Barbie houses, and Hot Wheels tracks with the help of battle tops and those spinny things from Crossfire, right?  BRILLIANT.

Honestly, if board game movies are fair play, now, why don’t we do one on Monopoly?  It could be a mob flick in which well-meaning hotels run out of money, and borrow it from a mafia man known as “The Banker.”  The Banker’s villainy can only be stopped by Uncle Pennybags, with his top hat, dog, car, wheelbarrow… and, uh, thimble.  GOSH, why don’t they pay ME for this stuff??


In the end, my point:  Not everything needs a sequel.  Not every series needs a reboot.  Not every Hasbro toy needs to be a movie star.  I understand that these titles bring in money, and money is the bottom line.  However, there will come a point when bad representations of beloved things lose the public’s faith altogether.

What do you think?  Are you hungering for The Hunger Games like GGC reader David R?  Would you rather stay at home to watch the second season of  Game of Thrones on the small screen ?  Comment below!


*For more on the 3-D movie debate, read what my friends at Hammervision have to say.

**This is my stance on a lot of things.  See: Firefly

PS.  A music-themed “Your Stories” will be hosted by The Nerdologues this Sunday, the 19th, 7PM at The Upstairs Gallery, 5219 N. Clark.  FREE!


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    The first Ghost Rider made me want to die. It was terrible even with absinthe in my brain. The visuals were decent, though, so it is officially the only movie I've ever watched through totally on fast forward.

  • In reply to Arius Elvikis:

    Fast-forward is my go-to strategy for reality TV competitions like Project Runway and Face-off. It's effective, as it lets you see the challenge and the outcome whilst skipping the people-drama.

    Any specific critiques? The Rotten Tomatoes consensus on the sequel seems to be that it would have improved with an R-rating.

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