Got toilet paper?

Everyone’s doing it.  There is no denying that statement.  But do we know WHY we are doing it?  Even if you swore you wouldn’t do it, you did.

Of course I am referring to the hoarding, buying, stockpiling, collecting of the ever useful toilet paper.  I swore that the people going out and buying it were just creating more problems for people like me who were adamant that they were going to keep their tp buying as normal as possible amidst all the corona chaos.

But then, I too panicked.  And I found myself at Jewel today with tp in my cart.  And I looked around at all the other carts in the store and noticed that 99% of them had toilet paper in them.  And let’s be realists here, there is no way we all ran out at once.  I wasn’t even on my last square which is usually the signal to go out and buy 24 more rolls.

As I was walking around the store with my tp (and corned beef and cabbage) I started talking to strangers.    We started to joke about having tp in our carts. And what if the stores run out?  Can we use Kleenex?  Old socks?  Sheets?  Our “waste of paper – too long of receipts” that Jewel is still giving us at checkout?  And then I had an epiphany.  Strangers were actually engaging in conversation at the grocery store.  And joking.  And smiling.   In this strained state of mind world we are living in right now, we were actually pleasant.  Of course all the conversations were revolving around the same thing.  The virus.  And toilet paper.

I was talking to a man, lets call him Bob, and he said he was just there to buy eggs.  Then I though of my childhood when surely my mom would have borrowed an egg from the neighbor if she needed it that desperately instead of making a whole trip to the dangerous public store to buy them.  Yet there was Bob.  And his eggs.  And then I spotted her.  My hero.  The woman with a case of beer in her cart.  Nothing else.  Just beer.  And that made me smile and chuckle a little because if the apocalypse virus end of world days are here what would you want in your isolated home?  I mean besides Netflix and your loved ones.

Okay.  Now let me just say, I take the virus seriously.  I do not wish this on anybody.  I want it to get resolved, cured and to go away from earth.  I am very concerned about my mom who is 86 and not always the healthiest.  And my kids.  Teenagers who share so much with each other.  I mean just grabbing one of their friends phones is surely a little risky, I’ve seen the studies done on germs on cell phones, and toilets.

Okay.  So back to the toilet.  I was asking do we know why we are buying this and clearing the shelves of it?  I’ve heard theories that grocery stores could shut down.  I don’t believe this would happen, however if people are scared to go to the store, they can use their local “SHIPT” shopper to get their tp.  I mean that’s their job.  Pandemic or not.

Are people going to be going to the bathroom more?  Does the virus do that?   Are we preparing to wrap ourselves like mummies with all this tp we have lying around our homes?  Is that going to ward off the virus?  Are we wiping better?  Because I sure hope good hygiene has always been practiced, not just in these rough unsure times.  I’m so confused by the rush out to get the TP!  I’m still using the same amount I used last week.   I usually keep a roll in my car for food mess emergencies.  Now I need to rethink that for fear of a window break.

We could always grab piles of napkins from fast food restaurants.  I know it might be a little rough but in times of desperation will it really matter?

I don’t know what to do.  This TP panic it’s, it’s literally driving me to drink, which is going to make me pee….. O M G!  I just realized why we need more!!

***please stay safe everyone.  And I know the virus isn’t a joke, but we all need humor.  Even when we are a little concerned.



Filed under: Uncategorized


Leave a comment
  • If you haven't already, subscribe to the Sun-Times and Chicago Tribune daily delivery.

  • I think the "logic" behind stocking up on toilet paper is that Preppers and Apocalypse COSplayers know that Step 7 of an impending doom says to hoard toilet paper. But by the time you are near Step 7, it is too late to hoard TP. (also, we should be using Bidets but that is another subject).

  • In reply to Michael Messinger:

    wow. so much has changed since I wrote this. two weeks and five days seems like eons ago. And guess what? Now people are hoarding tp and masks!

  • I hope the supply doesn't get wiped out.

  • In reply to Aquinas wired:

    hahaha :)

Leave a comment