Hello. And good morning. I just read a very good article/ blog on having the sex talk with our kids. The author said something that made me think though. Made me think hard about what might be wrong with our sex talks to girls. It seems we are always saying to them “WHEN A MAN AND WOMAN ARE IN LOVE…. yada yada yada.. insert your own version of penis into the vagina here. Why are we saying this to girls still? I only have girls so I am not sure if the conversation begins this way when you are telling your boys, but I definitely have used these words with my girls. And what a LIE I was telling. Love rarely has anything to do with the first time a girl decides to have sex. Like? Yes. Very much usually. Thinking you love the boy? Yes. A lot of the times it is this as well. But we tell them when a man and woman are in love……. I have to disagree with this statement. And perhaps put an end to this lie we are telling girls. The boy is usually horny for you. He thinks you’re hot. But most of the time it is not love. Teenage puppy love I suppose. But not always. Sometimes it’s just those good old fashioned hormones kicking in at a park, a car, a friends house, your parent’s living room, a basement, a, I don’t know, a football field? Wherever it is, the first time for young boys and girls is usually not about being in love. USUALLY. NOT ALWAYS. I get that.
Is this why young girls think that if a boy has sex with them he loves them? Did we do this to them? Kind of like the movie “He’s just not that into you” when the boy pushes a young Gigi on the playground and her mom says “That’s because he likes you” and then she learns to put up with assholes her whole young adult life because they probably LIKE HER!! I am guilty of even telling my kids that stupid ass lie. It’s actually because he is a brat or bully and shame on his parents for not teaching him differently and girls are easy to pick on. Okay. So back to the birds and the bees. Girls hear that he wants to F us because he loves us. Then when we find ourselves having sex with someone who may have used us because we were willing, we are convinced that he loves us or he wouldn’t have put his you know what you know where.
I think that having a sex talk with young kids is great. Using the right words is great. I know it sucks to have to say that it’s an act that although yes it might actually be all about love we should be making it very clear that it is not the case all the time (majority of the time) and that it’s okay if you find yourself doing it with a boy (Insert safe sex options here) don’t feel bad if suddenly he acts like you don’t exist. He didn’t love you. He doesn’t love you. We need to stop the Aleks’s of the world from boiling rabbits (extreme case here). WE need to tell our girls about sex but also that love does not always play any kind of factor in the deed. And although in a perfect world we want it to be all about love and happily ever after…. come on… we are the adults and we know better so let’s just keep the “when a man and a woman love each other” part out of it. It can save a girl a lot of confusion, maybe heartache and maybe restraining orders if they know at a young age that Tina with the perfect legs was right when she sang “what’s love got to do with it?”
Our girls will figure out the love part when they do fall and the boy falls at the same time because the stars have aligned and brought the two soulmates together. Until then, let’s just not set them up for disappointment if they find themselves not waiting for marriage and the carriage that was once a pumpkin.
When a man and a woman are in love……. strange things happen. Lot’s of them. Some good. Some bad. Some we don’t want to happen to our babies, but it usually eventually happens to all of us. Love not so much, unless we’re lucky. Hey, maybe the term “did you get lucky?” should be geared towards falling in love instead of sex.
Have a lucky day.
Filed under: Uncategorized