Are you raising a bully and you don't even know it?

I am sitting here with tears.  Falling hard.  Onto this stupid keyboard.  But I have a message for you.  The parent of a future adult.  The parent of a bully.  Yes. You.  And you might not even have a clue that this bully is right under your nose.

We all need to wake up.  We are all aware of the bullies, the harassers.  It is all over the news.  Possibly even in the Whitehouse.  Let me share with you a little story involving a beautiful young girl, whose beauty comes from inside.  At fifteen.  Although she also has an exterior that matches what I see when I hear her speak.

She showed me a picture a boy had given her yesterday.  It was addressed to her, and also said “MY BEST FRIEND”.  She barely knows this boy.  Yet he wrote “MY BEST FRIEND”.

It was a picture of a half sad/ half happy face.  The sentence on the bottom read “Hello, I’m so happy today!  I’m fine.    Now, highlight the first H E L with a red pencil and the first P and then next M and last E.  All in red.  All the other letters are in pencil.

She didn’t notice this sentence was a code. But I did.   I immediately pointed it out to her and she started crying. She said she was just nice to him because nobody else talks to him.  And they tease her about walking with him or talking to him.   Asking her why she want’s to talk to him.  He has broken and missing teeth.  And apparently a broken and missing supply of people his age who care.  This fifteen year old is my daughter.  And she has always been taught that beauty comes from the inside.  I have talked to her about this her whole life.  Partially because even in kindergarten kids made fun of her. She has a birthmark on her face.  And its barely noticeable, even quite quirky cute, yet she had an issue with this at a young age and asked me for bare minerals when she saw the commercial in kindergarten.  I always told her it was her angel kiss.  Others told her differently.  A boy told her flat out “you have an ugly face with that thing on it”.

The bullies.  Even at that young age.  The bullies were winning.  They still are.

Are you really educating your children to be kind, humble compassionate humans?  You might think that you are, but obviously some are slipping through the cracks.

My daughter actually still gets made fun of sometimes.  People have teased her for her clothes.  Which by the way are not hoodies and jeans everyday.  Or her eyeglasses.  Which were picked out of the modern “California collection”.  See.  She’s not overweight.  Her teeth are pretty perfectly straight.  Her clothes are very stylish, jumpsuits and dresses handpicked by me (and I have style…lol).  She is blonde.  Big green eyes.  Freckles.  Average grade B brain.  She is hit on by boys daily, so I think she’s somewhat appealing.  Yet, she is still made to feel small.  Low.  Ugly.  Depressed.  And then she cries for a boy who she worries might hurt himself.  I can proudly say I am NOT RAISING A BULLY!  Are you sure you can?

Wake up parents.  Kids are hurting out there.  Even if you don’t tell them.  My child talks to me about her issues.  I assure her it is the hardest journey of her life, being a teenager, and that I barely survived.  I had issues that I told nobody about.  I even took a bic razor and tried to “shave” my wrist at 14 because of the way I was treated on my bus.  And I say shaved because I had no clue how to use the actual razor to kill myself.  Thank GOD.  But bullying and hurting are still running rampant.  And you can’t ignore it even if you think it is not affecting your life.  Chances are, it is.  Somehow. However small.  Someone you know directly or indirectly is probably hurting.

Talk to them.  Teach them to care.  Everyone seems to care so much about the president or Bill O’Reilly or dogs, and in the meantime the youth of this world are not being taught properly how to just be a decent homo sapien.  Open your eyes.

I have to end this now.  And make the choice of calling the school to try to get help for this poor boy who obviously wants help or he wouldn’t have written it in red.

Smile at someone today. You might save their life.  And if you have a child, or many, please work on them so they aren’t douchebags to others.




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  • Sweet Jesus. That poor kid. But you're his angel, Vicki - yes, call the school.

    I know this story all too well - my daughter was born with a cleft palate and was teased mercilessly for the scar. A boy on whom she had a crush one day said to her, "Who hit you in the face with a frying pan?" My kid told her bestie that she was going to commit suicide. Thank GOD the friend called me; we got help for her that day. And my husband went and talked to the boy's parents.

    Parents - DO YOUR DAMN JOB - teach your kids to STOP this shit! It's been an epidemic for too long. Kids can die because of it.

    Thanks for an important post.

  • In reply to Michelle Babicz:

    I did my part just now. My heart aches for all of the hurting these young people deal with everyday. We know life gets better because we survived. but Its hard to see that when you are 13, 14, 15, 16.... its all about the now. Parents really need to wake up. School cannot do it ALL!!! I'm sorry your daughter went through painful things. Looks have become everything to too many people! and the real beauty is once you peel back the skin. Good luck to you!!!

  • I was bullied badly in 7th grade. Short, fat, smart, a bad combo.
    Today, I believe there is more bullying because many adults have become bullies without recognizing it. Look at how the internet has created a new class of beast, the troll, that could not have existed before. I believe that behavior seeps into ones daily life where the kids pick it up.

  • This is a sad story. And it's all really mistakes of the parents. I wrote educational writing with terms about the problem of bullying. And I think the whole point is that parents began to educate the weak-spirited children. Because of this they see two ways out, or bully others, or if they bully you to commit suicide. That's what you need to fix.

  • My heart goes out to all who experience such pain! Tearing up as I read this. Here's why:

  • Oh God. Why are the children so cruel? Unfortunately, sometimes parents don't know about a behavior of their children. At home they are good and caring, but at school...
    Before work at Legit Writings I helped students write an essay. And one girl who constantly asked for my help, said that she was laughed at because she was not beautiful and she was afraid of looking stupid. She was not even allowed to express her self. It's horrible!

  • Really sad to know about. Parents should more aware about their child. Sometimes they ignore their mistake and sometimes children become alone because lack of communication. I go to college for teaching also working full time at but never faced this kind of situation.

  • Goodness God. Why are the youngsters so pitiless? Tragically, now and again guardians don't think about a conduct of their youngsters. At home they are great and minding, yet at school Port Community
    Before work at Legit Writings I helped understudies compose an article. What's more, one young lady who always requested my assistance, said that she was chuckled at on the grounds that she was not wonderful and she feared looking dumb. She was not permitted to express her self. It's horrendous!

  • Spend more time with a teenage and you will see who you're rising. But it's not that easy, when kids have homework .

  • Great post, Vicki!

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    Why are the youngsters so remorseless? Lamentably, here and there guardians don't think about a conduct of their youngsters. At home they are great and minding, however at school...

    Before work at Legit Writings I helped understudies compose a paper. Furthermore, one young lady who always requested my assistance, said that she was snickered at in light of the fact that she was not excellent and she feared looking doltish. She was not permitted to express her self. It's unpleasant!

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