I was showing my girls how to find Venus and Mars in the early night sky last night.
I was also looking for signs of life, because as we all know MEN ARE FROM MARS and we are from Venus.
It is apparent in our everyday conversations between the sexes. For some reason, they don’t sync up. They don’t make sense. No, not always. But a good majority of the time it is like two aliens trying to understand each other.
Let me share… because I know you love to hear my crazy wacko scenarios.
I made plans last night to meet up with an old “friend”. Okay, so it was an ex lover. He lives an hour and a half away. We talked at 5:45.
The following is what I heard:
He would meet me in my town square at 7 or 7:30. Yes. I would walk downtown and wait for him. We would have dinner and some drinks. Catch up. We hadn’t seen each other in 6 months. I promptly left my house at 6:50. I called him on the way. To make sure he was close to arriving. RING RING RING…. no answer. Hmmmmm.. so I called again. RING RING RING… no answer. So I decide to sit on a park bench and people watch. He doesn’t return my call. So 13 calls later, and no reply, I decided he is obviously not coming. Oh, but wait. As I am about to head back home, because I CANNOT sit in a bar by myself for the life of me…. OMG… I have to interrupt my rant right now because I am in the library trying to WORK and I was just asked by the gentleman (boy) next to me what kind of perfume I am wearing. AS IF! I haven’t even showered yet or ran a brush through my hair. I knew I should have worn a bra… anyway.. another proof positive that we are from two completely different planets! A woman would never interrupt a man whacking away so violently on the keyboard… so okay.. back to my last night nightmare.. I get a call and it’s him.. he says he is at least an hour away still. Okay, so that puts me waiting for him another hour. I don’t think so. I am already hours into this whole “situation” and I am upset. He then yells at me for calling him 13 times, telling me to take “my meds”. So I tell him not to bother coming and I was going home and he should turn around and do the same. He hangs up on me. Case closed.
NOT SO FAST.
Apparently on the planet of Mars, something entirely different was heard.
He told me he would leave the house at 7:30 thus putting his ETA time at 9:00. Silly me. He also apparently never told me he wasn’t coming when we finally talked. I put that in my own head…. apparently. He actually drove the hour and a half drive to see me… called and texted frantically for the next two hours from my downtown square. I avoided him. Maybe he should take his meds. I finally called him after I was sure we had both cooled off. Only to be told I was crazy. I was a (insert vulgar C word here). And he had even brought me flowers that he had then decided to give to the gas station attendant. Oh, did I mention I moved 3 weeks ago and didn’t have my new address so he couldn’t just randomly show up at my back door?
Today, as I was looking at his facebook page, I saw that he gave flowers to a woman he sees sometimes….. 15 hours ago. That puts those flowers at about 10 p.m. according to my calculations.
So on my planet he leaves my town to drive to his current situation’s home and give her my flowers. On his planet, I am still a C and this was all my fault.
On my planet, he is a complete and utter asshole and I am so lucky to have averted the whole meet up!
Oh, and on the planet of the library, I just got asked out with a little note like in high school telling me I am super cute and to text him. I am pretty sure I am in the Twilight Zone… and I have no idea what planet I am on!
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