Yes, a worm does have a mouth... sometimes I wish you didn't!

MOM…. do worms have mouths?

MOM…   how old is Taylor Swift?

MOM….when we go to heaven will everyone be  young or old looking?

MOM…..  what’s that girl thinking over there?

Seriuosly.  My kids think I am the answer guru.  They think I know everything about everything and everyone.  I admit.. I do know alot.  I’m basically a know it all.  No, really, I am.

But my kids come to me everyday, several times a day and ask me outrageous questions that I cannot possibly answer.  I don’t know if the fish hurts when the hook gets him.  Maybe you should ask him.   I’m not a f***ing fish!

Wasn’t google invented so I don’t have to try to think of answers to the insane, impossible quesions that my kids come up with?   Who am I kidding, even google doesn’t know the answers to some of their questions.  It’s exhausting.

Maybe I should start turning the tables on them.  When I pick them up from school today maybe the first thing I ask them shouldn’t be “how was your day, what did you to today?”   Maybe I should say “Do you think your teacher is going to get drunk tonight?”  Or, “Do you think Sally’s mom and dad will have chicken for dinner?”  I’m sure they will look at me and say “huh?”   But when I try to do that, they get mad.

What’s wierd about all of this is that I used to date a man who loved to teach them facts.  Facts about plants, trees, the moon.  Anything.  He would tell them a fact and then make them repeat it.  I thought it was wonderful.  I felt the pressure was off of me to know the answers to things.  But they hated this.  They still make fun of him to this day when we go on a field trip.  They say things like “thank God Brian isn’t here, he would make us stare at this tree and explain each ring to us”.  And then they laugh.   And in their next breath they ask me “do you think the tree gets tired when we climb it?”

They are demanding little creatures who want to know everything!  All the time.  I can’t even pee sideways without them wanting to know why I did it that way.

Perhaps I should start making up things.  It would certainly turn them into a more colorful grown up to have them walk around this planet and think things like “the sun is actually made up of macaroni and cheese”.  Or tell them there is a seperate heaven, just for all the socks that we have somehow lost.   Or that if you don’t eat bananas, you will eventually grow a hairy butt.  They believe everything I say anyway.  Maybe I should just tell them outrageous things until they learn to look at me as something else besides Encyclopedia Britannica.    Do they still make those?


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