It is so easy for us to turn the tragedy in CT into a fight about guns and mental illness. I really don’t feel like getting into another heated discussion about why a mother of a mentally disturbed individual even owns a gun. Or should I say 3? One of which has now taken her life. And the lives of 20 innocent precious children. And the lives of 6 innocent adults. Such a tragedy. Such an ugly act of violence. I wish I could say random. But we know it wasn’t random. He set out to get these victims. He knew exactly who his targets were.
I haven’t had the televison on at all about this. I learned about it from my 5th grader. She learned about it from her teacher. That’s another issue I will deal with tomorrow morning when the school bell rings. My 4th grader learned about it from her sister. And Friday night was spent holding her and wiping away her tears. She was crying hysterically about this. And kept saying how now they will never see their little sisters again. That’s when I realized we are all a part of this tragedy. It hits us all so close to home. Most of us know little kids. Even if you don’t have children I am sure there is a child in your life that you love. They may be all grown up now, but we all know what it is to love a little child.
I keep thinking of the parents. And the timing of this unspeakable act. A week before Christmas? A week before Christmas break? Did he plan it this way because he knew the pain would be even more unbearable at this time of year? Not that it would hurt any less in March, but some of these parents probably have Christmas presents wrapped for their children. Who is going to remove those presents with their names already on the gift tag? And holiday plans galore lined up. The absense of these children for the two weeks that they would have been home from school. The absense of them at Christmas breakfast. Do they even have a Christmas now? I want to reach out to these families and help them. Make them feel better. Make them know so many of us in the world share their grief, which is such a tiny percent of the grief they feel for their loves. I sit here and type and look at my tree and see my children sitting by it coloring and it makes me mad and sad and want to scream and kick because of the pain that these parents are going to deal with. I say I know how they must feel. But I don’t. None of us do. Unless you have had a crazed man wearing a bullet proof vest to protect himself from gunshots walk into your child’s classroom and point that gun at them and take their life, you don’t know. I have to end this by saying I hate this boy. Maybe it’s wrong but I do. I wish he had just taken his own life which he ended up doing anyway. I wish his mother hadn’t bought the guns. I wish the school had gun detectors at the door. Or armed guards. I wish every child and teacher had been off school sick that day. The day he decided was the day to force his evil upon them. The whole classroom. The whole school. The whole town. The whole State. The whole country. The whole World. I wish.
I will be thinking about these families for the next weeks as I celebrate the season. I would like to say that God has a reason for this. But I honestly don’t believe that. There is no reason. And I think God is weeping for these familes too.
He took the lives of such innocent ones
he took their lives with his mother’s guns
We have a loss that will never be filled
why did these innocents have to be killed?
Your hearts are heavy as is mine
for the lives of the innocents that will never shine
they are in heaven I strongly believe
to think anything less would be naive
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