Having recently broken up with my boyfriend of a year and a half I have declared that I will be sporting a celibacy bush this Christmas season.
What is this you might ask? Well I will tell you. It’s me throwing out my razor so I can’t shave a certain region.
You see, I figure if I don’t groom it I won’t be tempted to use it.
Let’s say I go out on a date and I have a few too many drinks and am feeling like it’s been WAAAAY TOOOO LOOONG. I won’t have to have willpower because I will know that I have the celibacy bush to save me from making bad decisons for the night. I mean, I would never ever let a man see me in this au natural state… let alone.. touch it! Not when we have all become accustomed to the bare naked ladyness.
There is no way I want anybody seeing or feeling my hairy business. So if I don’t groom… I won’t .. you know.
Let’s face it.. I am too old to be acting like the slut I was in the 80’s. Oh come on..we were all pretty much sluts in the 80’s. Everyone was doing it. PLEASE tell me everyone was doing it.
In the 80’s I didn’t have anything from keeping me from being promiscuous. Except my morals. And sometimes those got lost in pictures of Bud Light or way too many Amareto Stone Sours. I never went out thinking..” wow… I am just to damn hairy down there to go home with this guy”. Now in the year 2012, I WOULD be thinking that.
And that is why my celibacy bush is going to save me this holiday season from having to have Wham or the cast of glee sing my Christmas anthem next year. Wait, when they sing “last christmas I gave you my heart… but the very next day you gave it away”… it’s not really the heart they are talking about.. right? http://youtu.be/E8gmARGvPlI (in case you haven’t heard it 200 times already this year).
Either way, the only jingle balls.. I mean bells I want to worry about are the one’s on my sleigh. And yes I want to Dick.. I mean DECK the halls with balls.. I mean boughs of holly. Okay.. I gotta quit staring at those bulb ornaments…. and I’ve gotta buy another razor by New Years!!
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