Just when i thought I had seen it all. Now I really have.
It’s 3 a.m. and I hear loud projectile vomitting coming from my kitchen/ parlor area. So.. of course.. I have to investigate.
Does someone have food poisoning? The flu?
OH NO.. of course not. It was half price in the liquor department at Dominics. Silly me.
So I proceed to head into the direction that all the noise is coming from.. only to be told by my daughter’s boyfriend.. “YOU DONT WANT TO GO THERE!”
Well now, I HAVE to go there.
I am greeted at the doorway by a ninja. My daughter has transformed her tshirt onto her head and face into ninja attire. And attached a plastic bag under her chin area. Not sure where this comes into play. So I HAVE TO FIND OUT!
Our eyes meet. She is in shock that I have made it this far into the danger zone.
She gives her boyfriend the look.. and all he says is “I TRIED to stop her”.
I am told.. once again.. this time by her, “YOU DONT WANT TO GO IN THERE”.
We proceed to get in a shoving match. She tells me her friend threw up on the wood floor. Okay. Not that big of a deal. Why won’t she let me enter then? I am convinced there is more to the story. And there is something they don’t want me to see. I am hoping it isn’t a dead body. And still another burning question.. why does it smell like SHIT??
So after about 5 minutes of her blocking the doorway I finally use brute force and shove her aside.
To see that YES he has thrown up on the wood floor. Oh . and there is a little on the chair. But why the smell? It still doesnt make sense.
Then I see IT!
My kitchen garbage can is in there. I ask “WHY DID YOU PUT THIS IN THERE”?
She says.. simply. reaching her arm out to stop me…. “DONT”.
So….. I do.
And wow. The horror. The laughter. The horror. The shock. The STENCH!
This person.. who we all adore, has decided that it would be a good idea in his drunken state to POOP in the garbage can.
So I leave to find the drunken bastard.. and he is walking around my house with POO all over his pants.
So I make them GRAB HIM and toss him outside. I dont care if it is 40 degrees out. They strip him down. Throw away his clothes and the garbage can.
We toss him a pillow and our worst blanket.. and lock him in the 3 season porch with the kitty litter.
Until the next morning.
My daughter had to clean it all up. Any parent knows how hard it is to clean up after a sick child… can you imagine being 21 and cleaning up after a GROWN man? YUCK!!
I will never forget how funny my daughter looked. Or the laughter that we shared at knowing someone was sitting on a garbage can taking a dump. In the parlor. Where there are plenty of windows.. but no curtains!!
I’m sure they will all think twice next time there is a liquor sale. Just because you CAN doesnt mean you should. And when you turn 21, you should drink responsibly. Or at least wear a depends!
***names have been changed to protect the guilty*** oh wait.. I haven’t named names!! YET
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