turning 21 and 1/2 price liquor sales

Just when i thought I had seen it all.  Now I really have.

It’s 3 a.m. and I hear loud projectile vomitting coming from my kitchen/ parlor area.  So.. of course.. I have to investigate.

Does someone have food poisoning?  The flu?

OH NO.. of course not.  It was half price in  the liquor department at Dominics.  Silly me.

So I proceed to head into the direction that all the noise is coming from.. only to be told by my daughter’s boyfriend.. “YOU DONT WANT TO GO THERE!”

Well now, I HAVE to go there.

I am greeted at the doorway by a ninja.  My daughter has transformed her tshirt onto her head and face into ninja attire.  And attached a plastic bag under her chin area.  Not sure where this comes into play. So I HAVE TO FIND OUT!

Our eyes meet.  She is in shock that I have made it this far into the danger zone.

She gives her boyfriend the look.. and  all he says is “I TRIED to stop her”.

I am told.. once again.. this time by her, “YOU DONT WANT TO GO IN THERE”.

We proceed to get in  a shoving match.  She tells me her friend threw up on the wood floor.  Okay.  Not that big of a deal. Why won’t she let me enter then?  I am convinced there is more to the story. And there is something they don’t want me to see.  I am hoping it isn’t a dead body.    And still another burning question.. why does it smell like SHIT??

So after about 5 minutes of her blocking the doorway I finally use brute force and shove her aside.

To see that YES he has thrown up on the wood floor.  Oh . and there is a little on the chair.  But why the smell?  It still doesnt make sense.

Then I see IT!

My kitchen garbage can is in there.  I ask “WHY DID YOU PUT THIS IN THERE”?

She says.. simply. reaching her arm out to stop me…. “DONT”.

So…..  I do.

And wow.  The horror.  The laughter.  The horror. The shock. The STENCH!

This person.. who we all adore, has decided that it would be a good idea in his drunken state to POOP in the garbage can.

So I leave to find the drunken bastard.. and he is walking around my house with POO all over his pants.

So I make them GRAB HIM and toss him outside. I dont care if it is 40 degrees out.  They strip him down.  Throw away his clothes and the garbage can.

We toss him a pillow and our worst blanket.. and lock him in the 3 season porch with the kitty litter.

Until the next morning.

My daughter had to clean it all up.  Any parent knows how hard it is to clean up after a sick child… can you imagine being 21 and cleaning up after a GROWN man?  YUCK!!

I will never forget how funny my daughter looked.  Or the laughter that we shared at knowing someone was sitting on  a garbage can taking a dump.  In the parlor.  Where there are plenty of windows.. but no curtains!!

I’m sure they will all think twice next time there is a liquor sale.  Just because you CAN doesnt mean you should.   And when you turn 21, you should drink responsibly.   Or at least wear a depends!

***names have been changed to protect the guilty***     oh wait.. I haven’t named names!! YET

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