Cubs Victory Parade: Top 10 blemishes

The Chicago Cubs victory parade and rally was a spectacle for the ages. But given baseball is a game of great subtleties and nuances in which perfection is seldom attained, here is a Top 10 list of small blemishes noted by observers:

  1. Sugar low: Too little candy was thrown to fans because Maddon trusted only Montgomery and Chapman’s arms.
  2. Chapman’s bus: Ran out of gas at Lake Shore Drive and Goethe from over use.
  3. jed-hoyerAn overserved Jed Hoyer: Two years of resentment boiled over when Jed took a swing at Clark the Cub for stealing his haircut.
  4. River of Red: The city nicely dyed the Chicago River blue. Sadly, it paid $20 per Tidy Bowl puck to an approved city vendor instead of 4 for just $5 at any Jewel-Osco.
  5. Bus profiling: Chicago Police pulled over all parade buses with black and brown players for running red lights. (The white players were sent red-light camera tickets.)
  6. Catcher Willson Contreras: Arrived late to Grant Park because he stopped cranehis driver 12 times en route to talk things over.
  7. Rooftop redux: A handful of Michigan Avenue condo owners protested Hutchinson Field video screens blocking their rally views.
  8. Crane Kenney’s speech. Easily the worst Crane technique since Danny LaRusso down at the ocean.
  9. Crowd estimate: With only 9.5 million residents in the Chicago metro area, no way 5 million white people exist unafraid of traveling downtown.
  10. Mayoral arrogance: Rahm Emanuel presumptuously gave Jason Heyward tips on how to hit with just 9 fingers on the bat.

SkitSketchJeff is Jeff Burdick, who likes long baseball games but recommends changing the 7th Inning Stretch to a siesta.

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