Donald Trump – who stole his “Make America Great Again” slogan from Ronald Reagan and his gauche style from every nouveau-riche movie gangster – staunchly defended his wife today against charges she plagiarized Michelle Obama.
“Melania barely understands modeling Esperanto, so how could she plagiarize in English, of which speaks even less?” said the self-proclaimed law-and-order candidate. “Plus America knows if I get distracted every time some member of a rich family breaks the law, we’ll never get to fixing what’s wrong with America.”
But not all Republican National Convention attendees were confident of Melania’s innocence.
Said Tupelo, Miss. delegate Pat Elvis Boone, “She only stole from a Black person, and that ain’t no federal crime. On the other hand, I’m really tempted to demonize her as just another thievin’ immigrant ripe for deportation.”
Said Jasper Whitester, club secretary of the Poorly Educated for Trump chapter in Pidcoke, Texas, “I thought her entire speech was a crime. When a hot brunette with a foreign accent opens her mouth, I at least want a weather forecast.”
Members of the Never Trump movement tried capitalizing by selling “Crooked Melania” t-shirts on the convention floor, but the Trump-controlled Rules Committee quickly moved them to the official protest area in nearby Shaker Heights.
Not surprisingly, few Democrats commented positively on Melania, except for her chief rival for First Spouse, Bill Clinton.
“I really sympathize with her. You think I’m not struggling to come up with 10 minutes of positive things about my wife without stealing from Angela Merkel’s husband?” Clinton said.
“But that’s what’s challenging about modern politics in the Internet Age. Unless you really want to represent the voters, it’s awfully hard to express an original idea anymore.”
SkitSketchJeff is Jeff Burdick, who worries Hillary Clinton’s attacks on Trump have killed her chances to attend his fourth wedding.